Banjo Who - the BK sci-fi show...

[AlmostJinkies]

For anyone who was on here about four years ago, I created "Banjo Who", a BK based parody of 'Doctor Who' in which I wrote a scene, and then people could continue the story. The story concerned four characters - Banjo, Kazoozan (his granddaughter), Mumbo, and Humba Wamba on a search for the six magic keys - Ice, Rock, Fire, Grass, Sand, and Sky. However, the story ended on a cliffhanger after the four had only found the Ice Key. So, in hopes of starting it up again, I edited the mass of scenes from the first time into something reasonable. I'll post the three episodes first, and the new series will pick up with episode four....

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EPISODE 1:
An Ungamely Bear


OPENING TITLES / JUNKYARD

(Cue theme - "da da da dum, da da da dum...")

(A Rare employee with a flashlight pushes open a gate marked "GRUNTY INDUSTRIES." Inside is a large factory and a junkyard. Snooping around the junkyard, he spots a book entitled "Rare Witch Project's Guide to Activating Stop 'N' Swop" and hides it in a bush. He shines his flashlight on a strange blue egg, and the title appears.)

AN UNGAMELY BEAR

(Slow crossfade...)



MAYAHEM TEMPLE, IN WUMBA'S TEEPEE

(Several Grublins are coming out of Wumba's teepee, talking to each other. Mumbo walks up the stairs and into her teepee.)

WUMBA
Not dead yet, bonehead?

MUMBO
Obviously not. You stupid Wumba!

WUMBA
You're mad. Wumba more popular now.

MUMBO
You have troublemaker in class. Not Mumbo! Ah ha ha ha!

WUMBA
Wumba not have troublemaker.

MUMBO
You do. Kazoozan Foreman pecks people and steals honeycombs from Shaman.

WUMBA
Kazoozan not steal honey. Kazoozan smarter than me.

(A stony stops in to get his bookbag that he forgot.)

STONY
Kazoozan dim bird. Ha ha! Nuganip xoli.

(He leaves.)

WUMBA
Stony funny talk. He insult student!

(Kazoozan enters the teepee.)

KAZOOZAN
Hey boneskull! Hey Chumbawamba!

WUMBA
Me Humba Wamba!

KAZOOZAN
I said that.

WUMBA
Kazoozan say Chumbawamba!

KAZOOZAN
That's not what I said, Teepee-Toes!

MUMBO
A ha ha! Indian lady stupid.

WUMBA
Kazoozan, here book you wanted.

(Wumba gives Kazoozan a spell book.)

KAZOOZAN
Thanks, Feathergirl. I'll return it tomorrow.

WUMBA
No, Kazoozan, return when done.

KAZOOZAN
I'll have finished it.

(Kazoozan takes the book under her wing and goes BREEEing out the door.)

WUMBA
That bird troubles Wumba. You know what happened when I try to find her home?
I find big egg, but when I try to open I find...a spell book!

MUMBO
Spell book? Mumbo want to know more...

WUMBA
Wumba not tell...

MUMBO
Tell Mumbo now or...

WUMBA
Or what? Ugly shaman pull up loincloth and dance around?

MUMBO
Rareware not give me ability to do that. Stupid Indian lady...

WUMBA
What was that?

MUMBO
Nothing... Please tell Mumbo!

WUMBA
*Sigh* If shaman get off Wumba's back for rest of year, me tell...

MUMBO
Okay, okay. Me no bother Wumba.

WUMBA
Very well. When Wumba find spell book...Wumba try open it. When I do, find an ice key. I take out ice key and it get big! Very big! It size of Wumba's teepee. Then someone yells "Hey, get away from there!" Wumba is frightened.

MUMBO
A ha ha. Wimpy Wumba.

WUMBA
You be quiet, Mumbo Chesterton. Anyway, that's all I find when I look for Kazoozan's home. Egg and spell book with big key. I know Kazoozan not live in egg! Kazoozan not live in Stop N Swop egg!

MUMBO
Birds come from egg, stupid lady.

WUMBA
There was book and key in egg, stupid.

MUMBO
Mumbo's bad.

WUMBA
I say we go to where that egg was and find out the truth!

MUMBO
I not travel with Wumba. Wumba mean.

WUMBA
We use magic to teleport and meet there. I going.

(Wumba disappears with a poof of smoke. Mumbo follows.)



GRUNTY'S INDUSTRIES JUNKYARD

MUMBO
You find egg in junkyard? No wonder no one find Stop 'N' Swop eggs yet.

WUMBA
Quiet, skullface. It right over there, behind pile of AOL demo discs.

(They walk over to find a large egg, lying against a pile of garbage.)

WUMBA
Egg already open on other side.

MUMBO
Wow. Key big. But nothing some Mumbo magic can't handle...

(Mumbo levitates the key, while Wumba picks up the spellbook. The caption "LEVITATE - Ice Key" appears at the top of the screen, 'Banjo-Tooie' style.)

MUMBO
Eekum bokum, eekum bokum, oogala hoo, oogala hoo...

(As Mumbo repeats his chant, the key starts to float up into the air.)

(An off-screen cough.)

MYSTERIOUS BEAR (V/O):
HEY, YOU! PUT MY KEY DOWN!

(The key suddenly falls to the ground with a bang.)

MYSTERIOUS BEAR (V/O):
Guhhhh, who are you?

MUMBO
Me Mumbo Jumbo. This Dumb-a Wumba.

WUMBA
Me Humba Wumba. He Dumbo Jumbo!

(The mysterious bear walks into view, clutching a handkerchief.)

MYSTERIOUS BEAR
What are you doing here?

WUMBA
Our bad student Kazoozan Foreman come in here and live here. We want to know
where she live.

MYSTERIOUS BEAR
You really think she lives inside a giant key? Oh, go away.

MUMBO
This where she live. Wumba said so. But Wumba stupid.

WUMBA
You shut up or Wumba turn you into poop filled toilet!

MYSTERIOUS BEAR
This is ridiculous. Get out of my junkyard!

WUMBA
You have Kazoozan trapped somewhere! You keep her secret!

MYSTERIOUS BEAR
Who do you think I am, Rareware? I have no secrets!

MUMBO
You have egg and key. You made Stop N Swop. We tell people on Internet you stash
away secret items.

MYSTERIOUS BEAR

Corrrrr... you go right ahead.

WUMBA
You sneak off with Kazoozan and we not be able to find you. You make us look like fools.

(The bear goes off to look at a box labeled "BK", similar to the one seen in Pawno's shop.)

MUMBO (to Wumba)
He got Kazoozan in here somewhere. I beat his head with stick. A ha ha ha!

WUMBA
You tough guy. You wimpy Mumbo.

(Mumbo groans, then whacks Wumba in the foot with the stick. Wumba shrieks.)

MYSTERIOUS BEAR
Quiet down!

WUMBA
Why? This empty junkyard!

(Kazoozan's voice comes from off-screen)

KAZOOZAN
What are you doing out there, Banjo?

WUMBA
Kazoozan's in key!

MUMBO
How we get in? It just key, dumb lady.

BANJO
Don't touch it!

(Wumba opens a camouflaged blue door on the top of the key and steps down into it.)

MUMBO
Wait for me!

WUMBA
Mumbo too slow!

(Banjo dashes over.)

BANJO
Close that door!

(He attacks Mumbo, who whacks Banjo with his Mumbo stick. Banjo temporarily turns into a washing machine, and Mumbo escapes into the key.)



INSIDE THE BIRDIS

(Wumba appears in a gigantic, complicated control room. Mumbo appears after her, followed by Banjo, who is a bear once again.)

KAZOOZAN
What are you doing here, Beadbutt?

(Banjo closes the doors to the BIRDIS by pressing a button on the central console.)

BANJO
You stupid teachers. You don't have a right just to barge in and Kazoozan, you're a stupid....um, a big stupid head for blowing our cover.

KAZOOZAN
What do you mean?

BANJO
You didn't have to go to school!

KAZOOZAN
Sure beats learning things from Moleface back at Spiral Mountain!

(Mumbo and Wumba paw at the closed door.)

KAZOOZAN
Ha! Look at the teachers try to get out!

WUMBA
This not funny! Let us out or I turn you into bucket of tinkle!

BANJO
Guhhh, why should I let you go? Now that you know that we hold the secret to Stop 'N' Swop, naturally you shall tell everyone on the RareWitch website!

(He turns to Kazoozan.)

BANJO
Kazoozan, your "love of education" has gotten our cover blown! Yuh huh!

KAZOOZAN
I'm just a Breegull! I don't have to take anything from you, Grandfather.

MUMBO
He your grandfather? He related to you. That's why you stubborn! Ha ha ha!

(Kazoozan blows fire at Mumbo, crisping the feathers on his mask.)


MUMBO
Mumbo's magic feathers! Me get out of here!

(Mumbo tries to zap the door with his stick but is thrown back by a force field)

MUMBO
Oooh, Mumbo injured. Mumbo soil loincloth.

WUMBA
You hurt Mumbo. He stupid but he still shouldn't get hurt. He second most important character in "Banjo-Tooie"!

BANJO
Excuse me?

KAZOOZAN
Yeah, Grandfather, he stole the spotlight!

MUMBO
That remind me, me have to audition for Banjo Threeie. You close doors from that console so I find button. You help me, bear.

(Banjo laughs his goofy laugh.)

MUMBO
You help me, bear!

(Banjo walks away.)

MUMBO
I find switch myself.

(Mumbo walks over to the console and reaches for a small red button.)

KAZOOZAN
Don't touch that, bonehead, you'll get electrocuted!

(Mumbo presses the button and is shot into the air by a lightning bolt, and lands on the floor with a thump. Wumba screams.)

WUMBA
You try to kill Mumbo, you stupid furryface!

KAZOOZAN
If you're gonna be mean to my teachers, Banjo, I wanna leave!

BANJO
You dim bird! Of course you can't leave! You'll end up on the Guinness show as the alien bird from outer space.

MUMBO
Yes, let us out. We take Kazoozan away from crazy bear.

KAZOOZAN
Open the doors, grandfather!

WUMBA
Let us out or I turn you into poopie!

BANJO
Kazoozan, I must depart now. You must go with them. I'll open the doors.

WUMBA
Coming, Kazoozan?

(Banjo sneaks back and press a console button.)

KAZOOZAN
BANJO, NO!!!!!

(There's a blinding flash and the teachers fall to the floor)

(Slow pan to the BIRDIS monitor screen, and we see an outside view of the BIRDIS flying through space, through a void of stars. At one point, it passes a constellation in the shape of Mr. Pants.)

(After the flight, Banjo and Kazoozan hold their heads, looking at Mumbo and Wumba. We see an outside view of the BIRDIS. It's on the beach in Treasure Trove Cove. A large shadow is cast on the BIRDIS.)

(Fade to credits...)

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(post 1 of 3)

[AlmostJinkies]

EPISODE 2:
The Beach of Fear


OPENING / TREASURE TROVE COVE

(Cue theme.)

(The opening fades into a shot of the BIRDIS on the sands of Treasure Trove Cove. A large shadow descends. The title appears.)

THE BEACH OF FEAR

(The top of the BIRDIS opens, and the four climb out.)

BLACKEYE
Arrgh! What are ye doin' here by me ship!

MUMBO
Blackeye! Me no like you!

BLACKEYE
Why?

MUMBO
Because you big mystery in Banjo-Tooie!

BLACKEYE
Yarrrrr, I don't remember. That fairy frog served one beast of a drink. Anyhow, you're trespassing on me sea, so you must be
punished!

HUMBA
Punished? Humba no like...

BLACKEYE
Load the cannons! Raise the sails! Shiver me timbers! Additional pirate-like sayings!

(A cannon raises out of the sand, and he aims it towards the BIRDIS.)

BLACKEYE
No one's going to steal me glory!

BANJO
Move the BIRDIS!

MUMBO
It too heavy.

WUMBA
Of course too heavy. Now bear stupid!

MUMBO
Mumbo use levitate!

(Mumbo uses his levitate spell. Blackeye lights the fuse, and covers his ears. The BIRDIS is lifted up, and the cannonball goes under it. Afterwards, Mumbo drops the BIRDIS with a THUMP! The BIRDIS tips over.)

BANJO
Stupid shaman!

(Kazoozan wing whacks it and it stands upright again.)

BLACKEYE
Arrrrr, you scurvy cur! You made me waste my last cannonball!

WUMBA
Look what cannonball hit!

(Sharkfood Island, with a giant crater on its surface, rises slowly from the ocean.)

(Close up of Banjo's face. He looks dramatically at the rising island.)

BANJO
Guhhhh, do you know what this means?? Because of Blackeye's stupidity we're on the way to solving Stop N' Swop!

KAZOOZAN
Grandfather, remember that movie that shaman guy showed us at the end of our first game?

WUMBA
Shaman guy? Ha ha, he sound like a dork like Mumbo Chesterton! A ha ha ha!

BLACKEYE
Nooo! You can't get in there and steal my glory! I know what I'll do.

(He digs in the sand, and pulls out a secret lever. Sharkfood's opening slams shut.)

BLACKEYE
Now you have to find secret switches all around the island to open the door! A ha ha! Aye, me woozy. Seaman Brew hangover.

(Blackeye wobbles and falls down, asleep.)

MUMBO
Me pull lever again!

(Mumbo pulls it, and a rock hits him on the head. He wobbles around.)

WUMBA
Mumbo Chesterton stupid shaman!!

BANJO
Check the pirate's pockets.

(Kazoozan reaches into his pockets...and stops suddenly.)

KAZOOZAN
Banjo, look, I think I found something!

(Close up of the object she found -- a keyring with colors around it. Clipped to the light blue
section is a mini Ice Key/BIRDIS.)

(A vision of Blackeye appears in the air.)

BLACKEYE
You found one, but you have to find many more. Haarrrrr harrrrr harrrrr!

(The vision fades.)

WUMBA
Well, we begin search, Wumba guess... But Wumba not want to break nail. Wumba just give herself magic manicure spell.

MUMBO
But where we look?

HUMBA
Humba thinking but stupid skull boy interrupt concentration.

MUMBO
Mumbo should...

BANJO
Corrrr... stop bickering! I have an idea.

HUMBA
Humba interested...

BANJO
I have a friend. His name is King Jiggywiggy. He may be able to help us...

KAZOOZAN
Well tell us where we find him furball!

BANJO
You be quiet or you'll go to bed early tonight!

KAZOOZAN
Sorry! Where would we find him?

BANJO: Well, I just have to type in the coordinates. Everyone back into the BIRDIS!

(The travellers climb inside, and the BIRDIS takes off, seemingly disappearing into thin air.)



JIGGYWIGGY'S TEMPLE (EXTERIOR)

(The BIRDIS reappears on the grass in front of a golden temple. The travellers climb out once again.)

HUMBA
That some ride!

MUMBO
Mumbo make brown loincloth again...

(Crossfade to a shot of the front steps. The four approach a jigsaw-headed disciple who blocks the door.)

DISCIPLE
I am a lowly disciple of the great Jiggywiggy. You need 10 Jiggies if you want to pass.

KAZOOZAN
Aw, we had enough of you the last time.

(She quickly and loudly pecks the disciple in the face, and knocks him on the ground. The four casually walk through the door.)



JIGGYWIGGY'S TEMPLE (INTERIOR)

(The camera pans around the interior of the enormous temple, which shines brightly with golden images of puzzle pieces. An enormous blue Jiggy is embedded in the middle of the floor. However, Jiggywiggy is not on his throne.)

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Who dares to enter Jiggywiggy's Temple?!

KAZOOZAN
Oh no. The wizard of odd is back.

MUMBO
Where are you? Dumb bear say we get help here.

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
I will not assist until you find my sacred items.

KAZOOZAN
But we gave you all of the Jiggies last time, Sparklespit!

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
DO NOT ANGER THE GODS! Look now at your keychain.

KAZOOZAN
Yeah. Uh, it's beautiful.

(The enormous blue Jiggy shoots a lightning bolt at Kazoozan. She sizzles, her feathers burnt.)

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Sarcasm will not get you in here, bird!! Look upon the image of your ship.

(Close up of the ice key on the keychain.)

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Right next to it is a gray space... you must find the key that goes there.

KAZOOZAN
What key is it? Tell us!!!

BANJO
Shhh! I'll talk from now on!

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
I cannot tell you just yet.

BANJO
Corrrr.

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
However, one thing is clear - Kazoozan is one stupid bird!! A ha ha!!

(Banjo has a mad look on his face)

BANJO
Dooohhh!

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
You must now return to the beach. Do not return until you have found that key.

(They all leave except for Mumbo.)

KAZOOZAN (mumbling):
Back to the beach. What a waste of...

MUMBO
Great master of Jiggies, can Mumbo make request?

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Perhaps.

MUMBO
Can Mumbo have new loincloth? Mine soiled!

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Leave my temple, and your wish will be granted.

MUMBO
Wahey!

(Mumbo dances out the door. The door slams behind him. He shakes his butt. A sloshing noise is heard.)

MUMBO
Awwwww!

(Mumbo runs for the BIRDIS.)

MUMBO
Wait for Mumbo!!

(Mumbo dives into the BIRDIS, and it takes off)



TREASURE TROVE COVE

(The BIRDIS has returned to the same spot on the beach. The four climb out once again.)

MUMBO
Are we back?

KAZOOZAN
Yep! Time for some sunbathing...

BANJO
That would be nice, but we have to find the next key!

KAZOOZAN
But where? I don't see any keys...

BANJO
That's why we have to look, Kazoozan! Mumbo, you search by the sunken ship; Wumba, the lighthouse; Kazoozan, by the dock; and I'll search the sandcastle.

KAZOOZAN
Oh boy! I can't wait to...

BANJO
No tanning!

KAZOOZAN
Sheesh! I was gonna say "find that key!"!

BANJO
Whatever. Let's go!

(Kazoozan pulls out a pink bottle.)

KAZOOZAN
I'll just take this tanning lotion...

BANJO
NO!

KAZOOZAN
Okay! Okay!

(They each run off.)

(Crossfade to later in the day. The sun has moved, and every object casts a large shadow. Kazoozan wipes her brow, and enters a damp cave.)

KAZOOZAN
Hmmm...I'll just rest on this rock...

(She sits down. All of a sudden it crumbles to reveal a key!)

KAZOOZAN
I found a key! Who's the breegull?! I'm the breegull!

(After some celebrating, she decides to think about what to do with it...)

KAZOOZAN
What should I do with it? I'd better take it back to the others...

(Shot of Banjo digging in the sand, surrounded by his findings - bouncing Honeycomb pieces, Grunty's missing eye, a confused Bottles, and a magazine with a bikini-clad Berri smiling on the cover. Kazoozan runs up to him)

KAZOOZAN
Grandfather! I found a key!

(Banjo carefully looks at the key.)

BANJO
Awwww, Kazoozan! This is my house key! After my house burnt down I tossed it over there behind that rock, remember?

KAZOOZAN
I'm putting it on the key ring anyway. Maybe we can trick that Jiggy guy into thinking it's the next key!

(The sky suddenly crashes with thunder and lightning.)

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
The great one is very intelligent, bird. You are nowhere near the great key. Your stupidity disgusts the Great Jiggywiggy.

KAZOOZAN
OF COURSE I KNOW IT'S NOT THE KEY, STUPID! What you say to that, Jiggyjaws?!

(Silence. The sky turns blue again.)

KAZOOZAN
Grrrrrr!!

(Mumbo runs in, out of breath.)

MUMBO
I heard explosion! It come from Spiral Mountain!

(Suddenly, Banjo's house key begins to glow.)

KAZOOZAN (mock enthusiastic)
Oh...look. The key is glowing. The writers must be looking for an easy out.

BANJO
Ohhhhh no! Spiral Mountain? Oohhh, Tooty still lives there!

MUMBO
Mumbo thought house burnt down.

BANJO
Tooty said she'd remodel it... Oohhh, she must have put a pan in the
microwave again!!! I'll be right back!

(Banjo runs into the BIRDIS and takes off.)

MUMBO
Banjo need chill pill. He too hyper.



SPIRAL MOUNTAIN

(The BIRDIS reappears in Spiral Mountain. Banjo climbs out, and slaps his head in frustration.)

BANJO
Ooohh nooo, Tooty!

(The door of the house is busted open, and a bright green ray is shooting out of the chimney. Inside, the N64 is shooting green rays through the ceiling. Broken games are scattered around, and Tooty lies dead. Banjo is silent, and lowers his head. The N64 begins to shake and bounce about the TV stand.)

BANJO
Ohh nooo, what now?

(He walks over to the outlet on the wall and starts to pull the plug. A massive green explosion is seen, and Banjo shrinks, and flies through the air.)

BANJO
Whoaaaaa!

(He floats above the N64, and shoots down into it.)



TREASURE TROVE COVE

(Cut to Mumbo, Kazoozan and Wumba on the beach in TTC. A green ray is seen over the horizon.)

KAZOOZAN
Banjo!!

(Fade to end credits...)

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(post 2 of 3)

[AlmostJinkies]

EPISODE 3:
Nintendo of the Unknown

OPENING TITLES / SPIRAL MOUNTAIN

(Cue theme - "da da da dum, da da da dum...")

(The BIRDIS reappears in Spiral Mountain. Banjo climbs out, looks around, and slaps his head in frustration.)

BANJO
Ooohh nooo, Tooty!

(View of Banjo's now-rebuilt house... the door is busted open, and a bright green ray is shooting out of the chimney. Banjo runs in. The Nintendo 64 is shooting green rays through the ceiling. Broken games are scattered around the room, and Tooty lies dead. Banjo lowers his head in somber silence. The Nintendo begins to shake and bounce about the TV stand.)

BANJO
Ohh nooo, what now?

(He walks over to the wall and starts to pull the plug from the socket. A massive green explosion is seen, and Banjo shrinks, and flies through the air.)

BANJO
Whoaaaaaaaaaaa!

(He floats above the Nintendo, and shoots down into it.)



TREASURE TROVE COVE

(Cut to Mumbo, Kazoozan and Wumba on the beach in TTC. A green ray is shooting into the sky over the horizon.)

KAZOOZAN
Banjo!!

(The title appears over Kazoozan's terrified face.)

NINTENDO OF THE UNKNOWN



INSIDE THE NINTENDO

(Banjo is beamed into a world of three-dimensional shapes and grids. Wires, chips, and circuits loom in the sky.)

(Suddenly, a virtual "beast" made out of ones and zeros appears out of the air with a deafening roar, and rampages towards Banjo.)

BANJO
No, you don't!

(He reaches out his hand, and a green-grid gun forms inside it. The beast stops in its tracks.)

BEAST
Haskai!!!

BANJO
I guess that means you surrender!

BEAST
No, it means I was made in Japan!

BANJO
Doohhhh...

(Banjo fires the 3D gun, and the beast explodes. Suddenly, a dozen more of the beasts form around Banjo, and Banjo fires several times at them. On his last shot, the virtual bullet flies towards and engulfs the camera, and suddenly, Banjo is standing in a meadow holding a bow and arrow. The camera pans out - on the ground in front of him are several arrows, and several dead Dodongos.)

BANJO
Ohhh, Tooty's been playing "Majora's Mask" too much!

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Banjo...

BANJO
Jiggywiggy, is that you? Where are you?

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Go to Clock Town, Banjo... there is where you will be able to make your escape.

BANJO
Corrrr....I don't play this game, I wouldn't know where to go!

(A small, rectangular grid forms in the air, which turns into a 'Zelda' player's guide. The player's guide hovers in front of Banjo.)

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
Page 27 is where to seek the sacred path.

(Banjo grabs out of the air.)

BANJO
Thank you!

JIGGYWIGGY (V/O)
No problem, dog.

(Banjo scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders, and opens the book. He starts walking off...)



TREASURE TROVE COVE

(The three remaining travellers are sitting on the beach, looking frustrated.)

KAZOOZAN
Grandfather? Grandfather?! GRANDFATHER!!!!

MUMBO
Ohhhh, bird no scream! Mumbo have big headache this big!

(He points to a boulder with his stick.)

WUMBA
Why can't we go break in island and steal egg like in real game?

KAZOOZAN
Now really, Featherbrains, I don't call the Sandcastle breaking in.

WUMBA
You no get egg fair way. You dirty cheat.

KAZOOZAN
Why, you cheeky...

(They start a catfight.)

MUMBO
Break up! Break up! I turn you both to Styracosaurus dung!

KAZOOZAN
Oh, where are you, grandfather?

(Mumbo notices something in the sand - three lines. There is an arrow above the middle line.)

MUMBO
Ohhh, Mumbo think this cheap plot twist because writer is tired!

KAZOOZAN
Maybe it's trying to tell us something. Or...maybe it's a bunch of scribbles in the sand!

WUMBA
Awww, forget it! Rare Witch people will think it for Stop N Swop!

KAZOOZAN
It could be!

WUMBA
Wumba teach you better than that, Kazoozan. Wumba teach you to stay off Rare Witch forums!



INSIDE THE NINTENDO - CLOCK TOWN

(Banjo, who is still walking and reading the player's guide at the same time, wanders into a shop.)

BANJO
Dohhhh, I don't know what these little symbols mean! I'm gonna call for help.

(He walks over to the window.)

BANJO
Hello...? HELLO!

(Silence. Banjo scratches his head in confusion, and looks out the window again. He lets out a silent gasp when he sees an array of familiar faces carved into a mountainside. Suddenly, with a flash...)



INSIDE THE NINTENDO - CASTLE GROUNDS

(...Banjo finds himself standing in front of Peach's castle.)

BANJO
Doooh!!

(The sound of someone running gets louder and louder, until a squat, breathless man approaches Banjo.)

MARIO
It's a him, Banjo! You remember-a me, don't-a you, Banjo?

BANJO
Nooo, can't say that I do, sorry!

MARIO
You-a have to remember "Diddy Kong-a Racing!"

BANJO
Corrr, I'm not going there too, am I?

MARIO
No. I'm trying to help-a you out! Diddy Kong-a is related to Donkey Kong! I was in-a
"Donkey Kong!"

BANJO
I understand now....no I don't. Anyway, what am I doing here?

MARIO
You are-a on-a your quest for the second key-a, dummy.

BANJO
Look, if I'm going to be insulted I'm leaving, Fatface! Ohhh, now I'm turning into Kazoozan!

MARIO
You can't-a leave. The opening pipe is-a being renovated for-a "Mario 64 2!"

BANJO
Ohhhhh, what do I have to do to get out of here?


MARIO (after a dramatic pause)
Help me-a find-a Luigi.

(With a 'ripple' transition resembling the painting effect from 'Mario 64', we fade to...)



INSIDE THE NINTENDO - CASTLE INTERIOR

(...Banjo standing in front of the 'Cool, Cool Mountain' paintings.)

BANJO
Mr. Plumber Guyyyyyy?! Plumber Guy's brother?! Where are you???

(He scratches his head, and starts to walk back up the ramp. However, as he passes the wall, an eerie, high-pitched giggle is heard.)

BANJO
What was...

(Mario bursts through the door.)

MARIO
Banjo, come-a quick! Something weird in the hall-a way!

(Cut to - Banjo and Mario running full speed down the hallway to the courtyard. They suddenly stop dead in their tracks.)

MARIO
The ghost is-a gone!

BANJO
Soooo? Didn't it just run through the door anyway?!

MARIO
No, it's-a supposed to be here!

(Another laugh is heard.)

MARIO
That came from behind the courtyard-a door-a!

(The two run for the door. They open it, finding complete blackness and a single ghost.)

BOO
So you have found me....I can help you find Luigi...

MARIO
Luigi!

BANJO
Where? Where? This crossover stuff is driving me insane!

BOO
In my Haunt....I will warp you there...

(Mario and Banjo suddenly teleport out, with the 'Mario 64' teleport effect.)



INSIDE THE NINTENDO - BIG BOO'S HAUNT

(The two teleport into the main room of Big Boo's Haunt. They survey their surroundings, and Banjo points up to the wall.)

BANJO
Mr. Plumber guy, look!

(Two paintings of Luigi hang on the wall.)

MARIO
Follow-a me!

(Mario leads Banjo up the stairs to the second level, and points to one of the paintings. Banjo runs to it and jumps in, while Mario jumps in the other one.)



INSIDE THE NINTENDO - CLOCK TOWER

(The two fall out of the air in front of the entrance to Tick Tock Clock. Luigi approaches them.)

BANJO
Duhhh, it's Luigi!

LUIGI
A-Brother! What is with the-a bear-a?!

MARIO
This is a-Banjo!

LUIGI
Ah! A-Banjo!

MARIO
We were a-looking for you! What were you a-doing?!

LUIGI
I a-found this Banjo-Kazooie game pak...

BANJO
Okay already! Let's just get sucked in to the game so we can move on!

MARIO & LUIGI:
Sounds a-good to us!

MARIO
Come-a with me!

(He leads them up into the nook where Rainbow Ride's entrance is located. In the nook is a TV with an N64 hooked up to it. Mario slams the game into the console.)

MARIO
Here we goooooo!

(He flicks the power switch, and the three of them are sucked into the game.)



INSIDE THE NINTENDO - BANJO/KAZOOIE

(Banjo, Mario, and Luigi are shooting head first through a vortex tunnel of some sort.)

BANJO
Waaait! If we're going to Banjo-Kazooie, then I'm just going back to where I was before!
Doooohhhh.... I don't wanna fight the witch till "Banjo-Threeie"!!

(A blinding light appears at the end of the tunnel.)

BANJO: Well, better get it over with.

(Cut to view of the top of Spiral Mountain. A light appears in the sky, and Mario, Banjo, and Luigi fall out of it, landing on the top of the mountain)

(Pull back to show that the three are being watched through a crystal ball. Grunty is standing over it, tapping her long, cracked nails on a table.)

GRUNTY
The travellers have arrived, Tintops. Go forth and attack.

TINTOPS (out of view)
Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

(Cut back to Spiral Mountain. Banjo is looking over the edge.)

BANJO
Heyyyyy! My house is still there! Maybe Tooty is in it!

MARIO
Stupid-a bear-a. She would-a still be with-a Grunty in the game-a.

BANJO
Cooorrrrr, that's right. Well, guess we have to play the game until we get to Treasure Trove Cove, then... Wait, Mario, how can you two survive here? This isn't your game!

LUIGI
We're-a not-a exactly breaking the laws of games-a. We're just-a bending them.

(Inside Grunty's Lair, near the door leading to the Treasure Trove Cove room, a swarm of Tintops descends upon the water.)

GRUNTY (over loudspeaker)
Tintops into position...

TINTOPS (in unison)
Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

(Fade to end credits...)

================================================
(post three of three)
EDIT: Removed a continuity error leftover from original draft

[AlmostJinkies]

Alright, that's what we've got so far... it's up to you (and me, I'll write more too!) to determine their fates, and determine whether or not they ever find the remaining five keys!

[Zippop]

Cool!

[R Hunter]

Ok what are the limits of this story. Can anyone be brought in? Cause i've got like 15 or so ideas floating around in my head but before I can use them I must know the rules. And it rocks so far BTW. :D

[AlmostJinkies]

Only a few rules -
1. Keep the storyline, don't wander far enough that it would be hard to get back to the point.
2. Keep the four main characters how they are, characterization wise. Also, the BIRDIS must be their form of transportation (just to keep the story logical, that's all)
3. They *have* to collect the remaining keys somehow.
4. It must be written as a script.
5. You do *not* have to stick to a "Doctor Who" parody. If you want to (since, currently, only those of you in the UK can watch it) that's fine, but if not, that's fine too. After the first episode, "Banjo Who" went off on its own thing, and that's perfectly OK. Go where your creativity takes you!

I just needed a couple rules, because the first time I did this, it tended to get immature and way off the point (I have several deleted scenes about poop, for example...) Also, I'll moderate when an episode is over, and write a cliffhanger if there isn't one already. When an episode is done, I'll combine the pieces into one, editing only where I need to to keep it flowing.

For the most part, you're free to write what you want :-)

[AlmostJinkies]

Come on, someone's got to have an idea or two, don't be shy... :-)