(What I assume is annoying) thread about relationships, etc.

[wiltedrosesxx]

I hardly know what the etiquette on the subjects of threads on this board are, but hey. If I get flamed, lesson learned.

So, I've found myself becoming increasingly dependent on people lately.. and that's not good. I've always been a fairly clingy, co-dependent person, but recently it's just got awful, especially towards my boyfriend, who has basically told me if it doesn't stop it's the end of our relationship (Fair enough.)

I'm also awfully paranoid about being cheated on / left. Because basically, although not quite technically, he's cheated quite a few times. And he's flighty. Despite his promises. I know/hope I'm just being stupidly insecure, but this in itself is probably just asking to be either left or cheated on...

I really... don't know what to do..

But...Help! I don't know, discuss? :-/

[StarFox]

If you've been cheated on once, it's usually going to happen again. Tiger Woods syndrome.

[Taiokaion]

Well listen, you get my first lets not be a dick post in a long time so listen closely.

I know he's your boyfriend, and I'm not sure how long the relationships been going on or your past experiences, but it seems to me that since you've found him you have become clingy. You really just have to realize this yourself and simply make an attempt to fix it. If you are at least trying your boyfriend should be satisfied with you.

I can not help with the possible cheating though, but you may want to confront him (Risk: Losing him)

[LoMoNoCrAt]

To be honest, you're boyfriend sounds like a dick. o-O

But, I dunno, guys need space, I guess. It's alright to be dependent, a lot of guys feel far better about themselves, and life in general, when they have a girl leaning on them. But try not to be too overbearing, remember that even the manliest of manly men sometimes just need someone to hold them up, too.

[wiltedrosesxx]

I can not help with the possible cheating though, but you may want to confront him (Risk: Losing him)



We're really open with everything.. it's been talked about a lot, really. it just still scares me.

[LoMoNoCrAt]

Are you always scared of being cheated on when you're with guys, or is it just him?

[Hey, I'm Grump]

The fact you're still with him after he cheated multiple times shows me you love him to much to leave him and/or have too little self esteem or confidence to dump him and go on the hunt again.

Darl, hear it from me; he's playing you for a fool. Cheating once is bad enough, but multiple times is showing that he doesn't respect you at all.

Lose him like a bad cold, or get used to being second best.

[wiltedrosesxx]

Are you always scared of being cheated on when you're with guys, or is it just him?

It's just him. I've never even considered it with any guys before..

The fact you're still with him after he cheated multiple times shows me you love him to much to leave him and/or have too little self esteem or confidence to dump him and go on the hunt again.

Darl, hear it from me; he's playing you for a fool. Cheating once is bad enough, but multiple times is showing that he doesn't respect you at all.

Lose him like a bad cold, or get used to being second best.


I have no issue with either my confidence or self esteem in that respect. I love him.. too much to ever leave, i think. sorry for sounding so cliche.. :S. But sigh. Second best I suppose it shall have to be then...

[Snagprophet]

Yeah, I've always felt that once someone has cheated on you they've crossed a line which cannot go back on. I think general awareness needs to be raised that we all usually have one chance in a relationship.

[Hey, I'm Grump]

It's just him. I've never even considered it with any guys before..




I have no issue with either my confidence or self esteem in that respect. I love him.. too much to ever leave, i think. sorry for sounding so cliche.. :S. But sigh. Second best I suppose it shall have to be then...

I see a paradox in your post; you say you have no problem with self esteem, yet you're perfectly O.K with accepting second best.

[Korra]

After reading this thread multiple times, I still dont understand what the problem is. It must be because I have had to much coffee.

So, let me get this straight - you're being really clingy and worried you're being cheated on because he has done it multiple times yes?

My advice - as much as it feels weird, you're probably not being clingy. In fact, IMO its better to be clingy and texting/calling everyday instead of texting/calling every now and again. If you give him the opportunity to cheat he will (i.e. think with his penis not his head)

I would avoid using the "I love you" line all the time though, I honestly think that it should be saved for intimate face-to-face use ;)

[DekuScrubby]

How old are you?

[Grey Jinjo]

You really need to share the degree of the cheating for anyone to address the issue. If he's gone to lunch with a girl vs. having sex with her it changes the entire context of your story and how it should be answered.

[Weldar-Kazooie]

My advice - as much as it feels weird, you're probably not being clingy. In fact, IMO its better to be clingy and texting/calling everyday instead of texting/calling every now and again. If you give him the opportunity to cheat he will (i.e. think with his penis not his head)

I agree with this statement.

By what you've said, it seems like you aren't the problem here. You probably aren't "too clingy" at all. From what I see, your boyfriend is just against clingyness in general. That can easily be explained by showing the cheating attempts. He hates being attached to a single woman, and so he has a major dislike towards any signs of clinginess. I wouldn't be surprised if he considered his relationship with you nothing more than a fling, simply because he has cheated on you with other women.

My advice to you would have to be: Get out of the relationship.

I know that sounds hard and impossible, but, unfortunately, him starting to threaten it because of your clinginess seems to be him giving you a warning. Saying that he's planning on ending the relationship soon. The way he is I don't think you should have any hopes of staying with him forever, hun.

[Grey Jinjo]

Ok, again, everyone is jumping this cheating thing. Two things to point out.

1) She said he has cheated. She never said he has cheated on her. Not that he hasn't, but she has yet to elaborate.

2) "Although not quite technically" was in her sentence. No one here knows what not quite technically means from her viewpoint.

[Mr 3vil]

This is going to fail. No doubt about it.

She's too clingy or he's keeping too many secrets. It's one or the other that would ruin it in the end. I'm guessing the former. If both are happening, then they're screwed.

Either she found out he's a cheater by some other source or he told her. If second case, then yeah, you're just overly too clingy.

[wiltedrosesxx]

You really need to share the degree of the cheating for anyone to address the issue. If he's gone to lunch with a girl vs. having sex with her it changes the entire context of your story and how it should be answered.
He can have lunch with whoever he pleases, it makes no difference to me.
Let's go with the sex option. I'm using this as a loose definition, but certainly a large degree of physical intimacy going on.

How old are you?
I hardly see this being relevant.


Ok, again, everyone is jumping this cheating thing. Two things to point out.

1) She said he has cheated. She never said he has cheated on her. Not that he hasn't, but she has yet to elaborate.

2) "Although not quite technically" was in her sentence. No one here knows what not quite technically means from her viewpoint.
It was on me. Although he has cheated on others also. And by not quite technically, I mean it was basically promised we were in a relationship, although I was out of the country at the time and so we didn't want to actually make it official until I got back. So we weren't technically together. it hurts just as much.

[Mr 3vil]

Well I guess you ignored my post on reality.

I hardly see this being relevant.

Well, I hate to say it, but the two words "grow up" are screaming in my head.

It's not a matter of age, but with age there can be more experience and perhaps maturity. What's the chances of you being mature anyway. You're crazily insecure as it is.

Most people cannot handle a relationship while in highschool. Statistically it's a 96%+ chance or break up. This was an old number though and 96% was an underestimate. I'm sure I remembered the number being in the 97% range. You can check and see if there is a difference, I don't need the old numbers anymore.

Even so, while at college MANY cannot handle a relationship. Not just that, look at the statistics of the divorce rates, it's ridiculous.

I know statistics are just numbers and aren't necessarily true in terms of REAL emotions, so I'll break it down into emotions for you.

You're in a relationship, you should have been prepared to give your trust to the person you love or care about. It's not always about you nor is it always about him. Clearly, you cannot do that and he sees you as clingy. Nor does he seem to care about you because he says it's over BECAUSE you're clingy. You two are supposed to work this out. And if he cannot see that or understand your pain (because he is passing this off as clingy and then dumping you) then you both would have failed anyway.

Other things, your clingy factor is just another sign that you cannot be independent. Which is silly unless you plan to live under your parent's roof your whole life.

So quit your whining and just confront him about it. If he still thinks you're too clingy or whatever the problem is, then you're screwed. And if it's just you being yourself, then grow up more. By now, I find you and your boyfriend ridiculous.

It was on me. Although he has cheated on others also. And by not quite technically, I mean it was basically promised we were in a relationship, although I was out of the country at the time and so we didn't want to actually make it official until I got back. So we weren't technically together. it hurts just as much.


I'm starting to wonder what constitutes as cheating to you because to me that's not cheating.

[LoMoNoCrAt]

Have you ever cheated on him?

[wiltedrosesxx]

you know what guys, thanks.
but it's fine. i'll deal with this myself..or somewhere else.

[Hey, I'm Grump]

you know what guys, thanks.
but it's fine. You aren't telling me what I want to hear, so **** off.

Fixed.

[xxjoesusxx]

you know what guys, thanks.
but it's fine. i'll deal with this myself..or somewhere else.

This is proof right here that you aren't mature enough to handle a relationship. You are too young, and being asked how old you are before we try to help is very relevant.

We aren't telling you what you want to hear, which is some sappy, teenage drama filled love dream.

We are telling you the truth, you are too clingy, and that is a HUGE problem that is going to cause failed relationships for the rest of your life. You have an insecurity problem and you should focus on fixing that for the sake of yourself before you ever consider dragging another persons emotional state into yours.

The guy openly cheated even though you were intending to become an official couple. Granted, he made use of a technicality that you weren't together yet, but obviously you were going to be soon. He's cheated before, he'll cheat again, and if a guy is willing to jump the gun and cheat thinking a technicality makes it right, he is scum.

You have insecurity and self esteem problems, he is a cheating dick. End the relationship because I'm assuming you are somewhere between 13-17, and your nowhere near mature enough to handle this yet.

Take the advice, or go looking for someone to sugar coat it, it's time for you to show us how "irrelevent" your age is.

[Adam]

I love you, Joesus.

[.:Alex:.]

This is proof right here that you aren't mature enough to handle a relationship. You are too young, and being asked how old you are before we try to help is very relevant.

We aren't telling you what you want to hear, which is some sappy, teenage drama filled love dream.

We are telling you the truth, you are too clingy, and that is a HUGE problem that is going to cause failed relationships for the rest of your life. You have an insecurity problem and you should focus on fixing that for the sake of yourself before you ever consider dragging another persons emotional state into yours.

The guy openly cheated even though you were intending to become an official couple. Granted, he made use of a technicality that you weren't together yet, but obviously you were going to be soon. He's cheated before, he'll cheat again, and if a guy is willing to jump the gun and cheat thinking a technicality makes it right, he is scum.

You have insecurity and self esteem problems, he is a cheating dick. End the relationship because I'm assuming you are somewhere between 13-17, and your nowhere near mature enough to handle this yet.

Take the advice, or go looking for someone to sugar coat it, it's time for you to show us how "irrelevent" your age is.

This.

Seriously, run and never look back.

[login66]

My girlfriend of two years cheated on me 4 or 5 months ago. Shit sucks =[

[Adam]

A relationship that long...I don't know if I'd just leave unless it was clear she really had no interest in me anymore, but it would still bring up some trust issues.

[xxjoesusxx]

A relationship that long...I don't know if I'd just leave unless it was clear she really had no interest in me anymore, but it would still bring up some trust issues.

Tell me about it, My fiancee and I have been together for four years, and if something like that happened, I couldn't just turn my back on those four years, but it'd be a tough hurdle to cross.

[Grey Jinjo]

We don't know enough about the guy to consider him scum. We've established that the original poster is clingy and head-over-heels, so it is possible that she fell deep into the relationship before he did. If they weren't technically dating and she was in another country, he might not be "scum." It's possible that he was unsure of where it was heading and didn't feel as emotionally strong about her and she did him. He was willing to break off the relationship at a time when she wasn't, so it's a possibility that he wasn't as invested as she was at the time of this "cheating."

That goes for you too, OP. Consider it from his point of view. You guys weren't even an item or even within physical contact, so it's possible that he didn't mean to hurt you but simply didn't feel as committed as you at the time. Now you guys are formally together, and he hasn't cheated since, so maybe you should just slow down a little bit and try to give him some trust and space. If he actually cheats on you, leave.

[xxjoesusxx]

We don't know enough about the guy to consider him scum. We've established that the original poster is clingy and head-over-heels, so it is possible that she fell deep into the relationship before he did. If they weren't technically dating and she was in another country, he might not be "scum." It's possible that he was unsure of where it was heading and didn't feel as emotionally strong about her and she did him. He was willing to break off the relationship at a time when she wasn't, so it's a possibility that he wasn't as invested as she was at the time of this "cheating."

That goes for you too, OP. Consider it from his point of view. You guys weren't even an item or even within physical contact, so it's possible that he didn't mean to hurt you but simply didn't feel as committed as you at the time. Now you guys are formally together, and he hasn't cheated since, so maybe you should just slow down a little bit and try to give him some trust and space. If he actually cheats on you, leave.

She's already said he's cheated before on others. If he's cheated before, and used technicalities to cheat, then he's not a good boyfriend, and you're just sugar coating it, which isn't the sort of thing an overly romanticized young teen needs to hear.

Rationalizing negative behavior doesn't make it less scummy.

[Mr 3vil]

but recently it's just got awful, especially towards my boyfriend, who has basically told me if it doesn't stop it's the end of our relationship (Fair enough.)

Either she's an awful girlfriend or he's an awful boyfriend to end it due to something so silly.

[Grey Jinjo]

She's already said he's cheated before on others. If he's cheated before, and used technicalities to cheat, then he's not a good boyfriend, and you're just sugar coating it, which isn't the sort of thing an overly romanticized young teen needs to hear.

Rationalizing negative behavior doesn't make it less scummy.

Yeah but again we are taking the entire thing from her perspective. She said he "cheated" on others before but her description of him "cheating" on her isn't cheating in my opinion (or in the actual SENSE OF THE WORD).

I'm not saying he didn't cheat, but with how obsessive she is over him I can't help but feel like her story is biased. She is saying "we were going to be together but he cheated," but I am hearing "I LOVED HIM AND HE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE."

I'm just saying you have no idea what he did. You are prejudging him based on hearsay. What if some girl went on a forum exaggerating a story and calling you an asshole without your end of it?

[Weldar-Kazooie]

you know what guys, thanks.
but it's fine. i'll deal with this myself..or somewhere else.

Please girl, take a moment and read through the advice given in this thread without putting your heart before your mind, I really do hope it helps you.

Tell me about it, My fiancee and I have been together for four years, and if something like that happened, I couldn't just turn my back on those four years, but it'd be a tough hurdle to cross.

Off topic, but, do you two have any wedding plans yet, or are you two still waiting to plan? <3

[Dan]

Yeah but again we are taking the entire thing from her perspective. She said he "cheated" on others before but her description of him "cheating" on her isn't cheating in my opinion (or in the actual SENSE OF THE WORD).

I'm not saying he didn't cheat, but with how obsessive she is over him I can't help but feel like her story is biased. She is saying "we were going to be together but he cheated," but I am hearing "I LOVED HIM AND HE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE."

I'm just saying you have no idea what he did. You are prejudging him based on hearsay. What if some girl went on a forum exaggerating a story and calling you an asshole without your end of it?

This. She's clearly a teenage drama queen, who is paranoid to boot. this whole thing might be blown out of proportion, she even said "physical contact was involved" oh teh noes he hugged another woman D:. Men are always the bad guys in these situations too, which is strange to me.

Either way OP, I'd break up with him, if not for yourself, for him, as he shouldn't have to go with what you apparently put him through, and if he is cheating on you, he must feel he needs to get something you aren't giving him , and if you "love him so much" you'd want whats best for him anyway.

[Adam]

It's like there are two sides of not being on her side. On one side, she should break up with him because he's a dirtbag. On the other, she should break up with him because she sucks at being a girlfriend.

I find that hilarious.

[Dan]

It's like there are two sides of not being on her side. On one side, she should break up with him because he's a dirtbag. On the other, she should break up with him because she sucks at being a girlfriend.

I find that hilarious.

And yet we reach the same conclusion. She should give this thread another read.

[Aaron Anderson]

After reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that the internet is an insensitive monster and it must now be destroyed for the good of all humanity.

[StarFox]

After reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that the internet is an insensitive monster and it must now be destroyed for the good of all humanity.
It's just people thinking logical. Everyone is logical (a total dick) on the internet. :)

[Adam]

After reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that the internet is an insensitive monster and it must now be destroyed for the good of all humanity.

I hope you're not being serious. This we are being completely serious here. This relationship must be broken for the good of both parties.

[xxjoesusxx]

I agree with you Grey, I'm just saying from the story that's told, that's my reaction, granted it's all based on one persons perspective, but she wanted a reaction and help from the story the way she told it, so the way she told it that's my answer.

@Weldar, yeah, we were gonna get married this spring, but her best friend and my brother are both getting married this spring so we are waiting till next spring. She's got her heart set on doing it in April so I guess I have to wait a whole 'nother year just so she can have it in April.

[Hey, I'm Grump]

I see nothing cruel or monstrous about the posts in this topic Anderson. We're being completely honest and down to earth with this girl, working with what she's given us, and then when she isn't being given what she wants she pulls out and moves on to someone else for pity.

If you ask for someones opinions on a touchy subject like this, don't be shocked when you get honest answers. People stop being kissarses with maturity, and to be honest, giving any advice to a teenager is fruitless, as they'll do the complete opposite of what you suggest 9 times out of 10 anyway.

[Mr 3vil]

People stop being kissarses with maturity, and to be honest, giving any advice to a teenager is fruitless, as they'll do the complete opposite of what you suggest 9 times out of 10 anyway.

Yeah. There is no point to asking for help if all you get are sympathetic responses. Say we did sugarcoat everything and told her everything would be okay, then what? It's more likely she'll do nothing because she thinks everything is okay when at times it's not. If that's the case, we could have not given any advice at all and she'd still do nothing.

Anyway, she gets two choices. Either she accepts it or she does something about it. Then after that, it's how she really goes about it.

[Smouvy]

Borrowing this thread.

I dunno if anyone remember my page long essay in that old thread on girl advices from EvilL33t? Short ver.: I really like someone, but he's (afaik) straight, but giving very mixed signals. Anyways, I got to live with it, told him I'm gay some days ago, but now he's getting suspisions. But here's the thing. It's not suspisions that I like him, but suspisions that his girlfriend likes me :S

This is turning into a bad Soap Opera, but then RL... HELP :P

[StarFox]

Borrowing this thread.

I dunno if anyone remember my page long essay in that old thread on girl advices from EvilL33t? Short ver.: I really like someone, but he's (afaik) straight, but giving very mixed signals. Anyways, I got to live with it, told him I'm gay some days ago, but now he's getting suspisions. But here's the thing. It's not suspisions that I like him, but suspisions that his girlfriend likes me :S

This is turning into a bad Soap Opera, but then RL... HELP :PAh man. If she wants you, she will ask you or something (which I dunno, considering she's with this dude already) but you don't want to be hated, you can always just be busy so she can't talk. Or, just tell her flat out that she's not what you are looking for.

[Smouvy]

Thing is, I don't have her on MSN and she doesn't live around here. Plus they're only suspisions from his side because, according to him, she just keeps on talking about me. :(

[StarFox]

If she confronts you, just tell her that she is with your friend, and that she isn't what you're looking for. It wouldn't be good if she knew too, because of the gossip grapevine that women have, and everybody would know. Just say you're willing to be friends, but nothing more?

[Smouvy]

Heh, I barely even see her as a friend yet. That one time we actually talked >.<

And of course I won't let her know :P

[Adam]

Calm on down Smouvy. That's just a generic reaction girls have to gay guys. Women love you. This much is fact. Not too sure why, though. Maybe it's because of the novelty of having a girl friend who has a penis? Maybe because they see you as some sort of hybrid of the two genders? No idea, but girls love gays. I doubt she has romantic feelings for you.

[Smouvy]

That brings me to another thing I don't get. It's often insinuated that gay people always have more female friends than straight men... and not only insinuated, I also quite often see that that is the case.

I really do not see why. I've always been way more comfortable being around guys. At least I understand what's going on in their minds.

So, just in case some of you might think this; no, gay people do not know how girls think just 'cause they're gay. :P