My story I never told

[P.o.t.O]

My name is Phantom. After the horrific and tragic events that occurred at the infamous Paris Opera House a few decades ago, I took refuge at a place known as the Rare Witch Project Forums. While the events that all of you know arose, I obtained a historically notorious weapon known as the “SPAM Reaver” during a battle with another poster known as “Golden Jiggy.” When the battle seemed over, and Golden Jiggy was about to strike me down, the SPAM Reaver shattered in her hands. Half-Astonished and Half-Pleased, she vanished speaking the words, “And so...It begins...”

A both mystical and chilling image appeared in front of me afterwards. A ghostly can of SPAM with a bright-pink aura floated softly in front of me. Almost as if being controlled by another entity, I reached out to grab it. When I did so, the image burned my hand with an almost unbearable pain. With nothing to do but helplessly watch, the phantom can of SPAM attached itself to my hand, and the pink aura wrapped around my arm and climbed up to my shoulder. The aura then formed a shape almost resembling a blade and extended out beyond my hand, and then became extremely stiff.

I moved the “blade” around in little circles, watching the pale pink trail make designs in the air. After my few moments of entertainment, I decided to test the blade’s power. A lone pillar that stood near the topic “The Return Of What Would You Do If” and almost begged to be the first victim to my newfound weapon. I dove at the pillar and swung the Reaver in a vertical slash. Almost instantaneously, the pillar chopped right in two.

I noticed that I had to “hold” the phantom SPAM in order to unleash the Reaver for whatever purpose. When I closed or flattened my hand, the can vanished, along with the potent aura. Also, the Reaver gave me a strange new feeling. It resembled “Blood Thirst,” but could be better described as “Appetite.”

Suddenly, three flamers logged on from nowhere. Two had the traditional torch, but the third had a double-barrel flamethrower, which is only used by the black-hearted flammer. Thankfully, I had my trusty flameproof cape, which made quick work of the “torchers.” With the torchers logged off, I focused my attention to the “flamethrower”, who was flaming Cyberen for no apparent reason (Flamethrowers usually do that, as it’s their nature.) Now was a good time to find out if the Reaver was really as power as legend has it.

With my cape in my left hand, I extended the reaver and dashed towards the “Flamethrower.” He caught me in the corner of his eye, and tossed a huge “Flame-Ball” at me. My trusty cape deflected it and I prepared the Reaver. He was obviously miffed about the fact that I easily deflected his “dangerous” flame; he attempted to go all out and roast me with a bombardment of flames. Again, the cape shielded me and I dove the Reaver’s Tip into the “Flamethrower.”

He reacted in the strangest way. At first, he seemed to act unaffected, then, he started shriveling up, as if he were deflating. Within seconds, the flammer imploded onto himself and was dissolved into the Reaver. I felt outlandishly satisfied, as if that “hunger” I talked about was fulfilled. I then figured it out. The Reaver strived off the saturated fats of mortals, and told me so by giving me that “Empty Stomach” feeling.

And the story continues today. I still must feed from time to time. Of course, I only will do so to Spammers and Flamers. And unless, you’re one of those. I suppose you have nothing to worry about; unless you really tick me off. Then, I may do worse than absorb you into my symbiotic weapon of death and order. So watch yourselves, but try to take relief in the fact that Golden Jiggy can control me if I get too out of hand, for she controls my soul.

(I'll explain that later.)

[golden jiggy]

originally posted by P.o.t.O

Golden Jiggy can control me if I get too out of hand, for she controls my soul.

...and so it will stay, untill you bring me elijah wood posters.

and chocolate, never forget the chocolate. :D

Entertaining story Phantom. Very, um, original.

[Grey Jinjo]

Nice, very well organized story with a terrific choice of words and proper structure. Quite inventive.

However I don't think you're the one to be controlling the anti-spam weapon :p.

[John]

I love the story! :D I remember the whole spam reaver thing in the WWYDI topic lol.

[P.o.t.O]

Originally posted by Grey Jinjo
However I don't think you're the one to be controlling the anti-spam weapon :p.

I need to imbue the reaver the a moderator's saturated fat first. I'm yet to do that. However, time changes all...

Anyhoo, by now I'm sure you're wondering about the "Golden Jiggy Controls my soul" thing. Let me go into further detail:

But before I do, I should say that if any of you are offended in any way, I'm sorry, but I'm going to say "Get over it" anyways.


A few weeks had passed since I obtained the SPAM Reaver. I now had learned more about it. For instance, when I didn’t let it feed for a long enough time, the Reaver would turn on me and start feeding on me; seeing as I don’t have saturated fats in my body (I’m a phantom,) the Reaver would start to engulf my soul, which in a long enough time, could dissolve my being in this realm.

By now, I had gained certain skills as well. The reaver could now fire a lethal orb of its aura in a direction of my choosing. On a separate note, I could amend the orb with my great psyche powers to not destroy the victim of my choosing, but permeate his mentality with my soul and, in laymen terms, “possess” him. However, doing so would greatly harm my dynamism, and could even kill me if I wasn’t careful. If I performed the “Possession” correctly, my physical being would enter the “possessed” victim and control his every thought and movement.

But getting back to the story, I was on a quest to get to Golden Jiggy, and have a little “tête-à-tête” with her. I knew some of her minions and cronies would try and halter this request. But with hope, and a new symbiotic weapon at my side (well... on my hand,) I could finally finish my quest I’ve labored so long on. I knew she’d probably be hiding in her favorite topic, “Which Would You Choose,” and I knew that BlueBreegull would be waiting at the door with optimisms of slaughtering me. Maybe with the Reaver, I could eradicate this dream of hers.

“Hello, PotO.” BlueBreegull sneered when I got within speaking range.
“Long time no see, Blue” I snipped back, while grabbing my cape, in case she called a few flamers at me.
“No need for the cape, PotO. I don’t think we’ll have anyone bother us here.” She laughed, clapping her hands twice. On the second clap, the topic and its vicinities locked. But she wasn’t a Moderator or Administrator! How did she do it?
“Let’s just say, I gained some new authority...” She answered to my unasked question.
“Well, well... aren’t we using immense terminology?” I coolly replied.
“I’ve increased my vocabulary, foo.” She jabbed back.
“Ha! You still talk like a moron!” I laughed. I knew this would make her mad, so I readied my hand in a brawling position.
“You no good little...” She started.
“Remember, if your posts contain any censored words, they will be blanked-out.” I interrupted.
“Shut up!” She screamed back. And grabbed for her “Talon Blade,” which I knew from personal experience that each cut stung like a million paper cuts. Without hesitation, I drew the SPAM Reaver.
“Oh, look. Little Phantom’s got a new toy.” She chuckled.
“To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves, Blue.” I replied.
“I’ll show you dishonest, you insignificant little ghoul!” She shrieked, charging at me with her blade ready to strike. The battle began.

BlueBreegull had the reflexes of a ninja and the punch of Muhammad Ali. She parried every one of my swings and soared through the sky like an eagle. I hardly could tell where she was for most of the battle. Then, I noticed a slight weakness that was my window of opportunity. Whenever she double back flipped, she would stumble backwards for a few seconds. If I could reach her, I could impale her onto the Reaver in that time, and she’d be gone within seconds. So when she was showing off her fancy jumping routine, I prepared the Reaver in an Impaling position, and got ready for my opening. Then she performed the back flips, and I sprinted. She stumbled, and I stabbed.

“That doesn’t hurt.” She grumbled.
“So tell me, how do you move around so quickly?” I asked.
“Low Sodium.” She answered, trying to struggle her way off the Reaver.
“Fraught movement only makes it worse.” I announced, lifting into the air.
“You pansy! Put me down!” She demanded.
“Never.” I chortled. She balled up her fist and struck me in the face. My mask went flying.
“Dear lord!” She gasped, bulging her eyes in fear.
“That’s what I veil from humanity, Blue. I hope you get an eyeful...” I groused, putting my face to the light.
“It’s...It’s...” She stuttered.
“The Microsoft symbol.” I stated.
“You know, if you kill me, you’ll never get in.” she said, changing the subject.
“I don’t intent to kill you,” I evilly laughed. She didn’t understand, so I showed her. Using the Reaver as a conduit, I transferred my soul into her body, and possessed her. This way, I could not only spare someone didn’t need to die, and I could easily unlock and get into the currently locked topic.

I clapped my hands twice like she did and heard the topic unlock. I entered and quickly went to page 13. Golden Jiggy was there, seemingly waiting for me. I walked over to her and observed the strange object behind her.
“Hello PotO.” She mumbled, seeing me through the disguise.
“Good to see you again.” I sarcastically responded, pulling myself from BlueBreegull’s body. BlueBreegull collapsed on the floor. I looked at the Reaver and was astonished.

The Reaver had absorbed some of BlueBreegull’s saturated fats and obtained some of her powers. Drained of its Sodium, the “Low Sodium SPAM Reaver” enabled me to be as quick as lightning and as graceful as a dancer on crack. However, without sodium, the Reaver was not as strong as it usually is, and could not kill and feed and easily as it could with Sodium. Even stranger, the Reaver’s aura was now both Bright Pink and White, and I had a spiritual can of Low Sodium SPAM gripped in my hand.

“Well, PotO. I see you’ve gotten in.” Golden Jiggy proclaimed. Turning dials and pressing buttons on a circuit board near her.
“Very good, Captain Obvious.” I declared, walking past BlueBreegull’s unconscious body and towards the machine Golden Jiggy was by.
“Listen PotO, I have a question. ‘Which Would You Choose: Helplessly watching one man destroy the forums you love so much? Or making a monumental decision that would give you the power to save the forums, no matter how corrupted they are?” She asked.
“What’s the Third Choice? There’s got to be a third choice.” I replied, recalling the reaver and crossing my arms.
“No one knows yet...” She answered.
“I would choose integrity, Golden Jiggy!” I quickly responded, extending Reaver again and pinning Golden Jiggy to the wall.
“We’ll see about that, Phantom.” She said, nearly crushing me with a telekinetic implosion. I went flying into the scroll bar, bending it to almost a 70-degree angle.
“Time tells all, PotO, and we’re going to listen to it.”
“What are you planning, Jiggy? Do you think I will let you use this machine to destroy everything?” I questioned her, slowly pulling myself up from the blast.
“You think I want to destroy something?!?” She gasped angrily, lifting me into the air with her telekinetic powers, pulling me towards her, and gripping me by my neck. “You don’t know what this is, do you? This is a time machine. A instrument so powerful, I could change everything you know or care about. But I have a better plan, one that will better the forums so this horrid corruption is no more, and SubDrag can never have control!” She lectured, tightening the grip around my neck. “This is not where, how, nor even when it ends. Fate and Time promise more twists and turns until destiny kicks us hard.”

She slammed me into a massive metal object and became nose-to-nose with me.
“You nearly had me, PotO. But your eyes will soon be opened to the radiance of reality.” She breathed, before dropping me and jumping into a railed down Delorean. She rolled down the window and popped her head out.
“Put this on, that symbol is appalling,” She remarked, throwing my mask out of the car and to my feet. She rolled the window up and pulled a big lever on the dashboard. The car went rapidly towards an arch in the center of the track. The car started sparking and the arch started flashing bright colors and humming. The car passed the arch and a loud flash shot out of nowhere and went everywhere.

I wearily got up and put on my mask. I quickly ran over to the now mysteriously vacant Delorean. I opened the door and jumped in. I put the seatbelt on (Always helps to be safe, you know,) pulled the lever and primed myself for the time misrepresentation. The car shot towards the light and I was blinded by a burst of light. When I regained vision, I felt lost and scared, yet I knew where I was and was quite familiar with the place. I was at the RWPF Forums, but this was UBB version, from about 2 years ago.


(On a personal note, If anyone is confused by my big vocabulary, go to Encarta (http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryHome.aspx) for help)

[banjosrevenge]

so that explains why there are no spammmers or flamers ;)

[golden jiggy]

mwahahahaaaaa (etc etc etc etc)

So is bluebreegull a girl? oops...
I always thought he/she was a guy.

My bad.

Are you going to keep writing this? It's very good, makes me laugh (out loud in fact.)

mwahahahahahahahaaaa

[P.o.t.O]

Btw, If I use you in the story, and I get something wrong (Gender, name, etc.) Just tell me and I'll fix it up.

Again, Don't be offended, it's just a story!

I slowly opened the door and stepped out of the Delorean. A familiar face walked towards me and grinned.
“Phantom of the Opera.” He smiled; I walked towards him in reassurance.
“Savior and slayer, pawn and messiah, welcome; Time-spanned soul, welcome... to your destiny...” He pronounced, as he held up his administration insignia. I was certain now, that I had come opposite to one of the greatest men in history. Ice Mario.

“‘Where am I?’ is the usual question. But for you, ‘When’ might be more fitting.” Ice added, walking closer. I knew that around this time, Ice was not as pleasing as he was in the decrepit forums I was more familiar with; without thought, I drew the SPAM Reaver. Ice Mario flashed his almighty administrator emblem again, and the Reaver withdrew, and the coiled aura dissipated from my arm.

“Very well, you rotten weasel. If you desire I kill you with my bare hands...” I threatened, grabbing him by his cobalt robe and elevating him into the air. He looked petrified and befuddled.
“This is completely unexpected! This symbol disables all posters, leaving them powerless and incapacitated. Strangely, it seems to have the same effect on that uncharacteristic weapon of yours. But you must believe me: I mean you no harm.” He reasoned.
“You can drop the compassionate veneer, Ice. I know who, and what, you are. I should slaughter you where you stand...” I growled, pulling one arm back to strike him.
“Perhaps you should, my boy. But you won’t.” He chuckled.
“Are you so assured of that, Ice?” I attacked, pulling my arm back even further.
“Yes. That honor belongs to Golden Jiggy, a small number of years from now.” He assured me. How could he laugh be at ease? He knew I was stronger than him in more than one way, yet he laughed so easily.
“It’s amazing, you’re as defeatist as she is.” I grumbled, letting him down.
“Death comes for us all, PotO. It’s just a matter of time.” He stated, walking away from me.
“How do you my name? We’ve on no account convened before.” I asked.
“On the contrary, I know you exceedingly well. We were once fine associates back at the Snitz forums. Of course, your simple intellect can’t reflect that far back,” he rudely answered.
“Uh-huh. Right.” I sarcastically snipped back, following him to the next room.
“Auspiciously, you need not care for me now to be my collaborator.” He responded, pressing buttons on a control pad near a big screen on the wall.
“I never did, no matter what you declare. From what’ve heard, you’ve got a reputation for deception,” I spoke, hoping he’d stop talking in these ridiculous riddles.
“And who has slandered me so, your acquaintance Golden Jiggy? The one who betrayed you and left you for dead? Reflect on the source, before you judge me too harshly. We’ll forget about rekindling our old friendship, then. But consider an alliance based on our common ground: we both want Jiggy dead, and I can help you do it.” He announced, pulling a lever on the pad.
“You won’t want to meddle in this, you old geezer. I know all about your sordid little schemes, but you’re merely out of your profundity on this one.” I belittled, crossing my arms.
“You shouldn’t underestimate me, PotO. Observe...” He replied, pressing a green button on the control pad and making the screen operate. The screen illustrated Golden Jiggy standing idly at the front of the ‘TV and Movies Section.’

“Even now, Golden Jiggy is lingering for you, ignorant to the fact that I’ve snatched you out of the time-stream and conveyed you here to me.” Ice detailed. He turned to me and pointed to the screen.
“Notice how she loiters at the very sections she is ordained to devastate? Idiotically confident that she has eluded your grasp.” He said, switching off the monitor.
“Those sections are standing in this time!?!” I gasped, amazed on just how far back I went.
“Correct, PotO. We who moderate those Sections maintain their frail equilibrium, and Golden Jiggy is destined to be the pivots upon which that balance turns. I suppose you have already endured the wasteland wrought by her appalling and egotistical decision. Golden Jiggy’s very existence is a cancer upon this forum. As long as she lives, all of the RWPF is in hazard.” He informed me. He limped over to a barred door and put his hand on my shoulder.
“You may never be human again, Phantom, but you can salvage the essence of life and mortality. Go to her, Phantom, and end this. But first, you must find your way out of the “Rare Witch Lair Section,” and this, I’m afraid, I cannot facilitate you with. My militia will not understand your manifestation here; they will try to kill you. You needn’t dread them, of course. They’re no competition to you. Try to keep the casualties to a minimum,
but do what you have to do.” He informed, lifting the grate from the door.
“All cosmic events require a few martyrs...” He ominously finished, and vanished into thin air.

[P.o.t.O]

To continue,

Alone now, I surveyed my surroundings and noticed a second Time Machine chamber, its entrance identical to the first, but with one distinction. That ruby red crystal was significant, but how? I had not yet discovered. Away from the influence of Ice’s cursed emblem, I could feel the strength of the SPAM Reaver slowly returning. If that emblem was as debilitating to other members as it was to the blade, it gave Ice a powerful advantage over
his enemies. I finally understood how Ice’s crusade could decimate the members so successfully. If he could immobilize his enemies, they were at his leniency. But why, I conjectured, did the insignia have any effect on the Reaver?

As I neared the Section’s inner sanctum, an extraordinary sensation crept over me: an indescribable feeling of displacement, a sense of vertigo as actuality itself appeared to distort and curve around me. The disturbance seemed to emanate from the Section’s furthest topic. As I cautiously approached, the sense of dislocation intensified with each step.

So this was the tomb of the beloved King Grey Jinjo; beautified here as the martyr and catalyst of Ice Mario’s movement. I was reminded of Golden Jiggy’s journey as a fledgling member: how Ice coerced her to travel back to olden times and snuff out Grey, thus igniting a genocidal hatred of members among the Moderators and Administrators at the RWPF. And here I discovered the foundation of the displacement - the SPAM Reaver itself, laid out like a hallowed remnant... And broken, apparently in the battle between Grey and Jiggy. I had not thought such a thing was possible... Until, of course, Golden Jiggy shattered the blade against me when she tried to strike me down. Thus, the captive spirit inhabiting the Reaver was released, and binding itself to me, it became my symbiotic weapon. Yet again, as if an entity forced me to do so, I had to touch the Reaver. As I did, the Pink Aura uncoiled itself from my arm and around its former self.

And so the Reaver met it's former self, still imprisoned in this physical casing... I watched, mesmerized, as the wraith blade uncoiled itself, and snaked down the length of the physical blade... Embracing its twin, its mirror self, the Reaver's long-dormant spirit was now fully aroused. And for the first time, I felt the true presence of this other entity: unruly, ravenous, and deranged from thousands of years of imprisonment; the Reaver was now in command. And I, now merely it's feeble host, felt my soul being leeched to restore the blade. I stared in horror as the Reaver drew energy from my quintessence and used it on the shattered blade. The pieces of the physical Reaver came together and instantaneously became one. I felt my spirit fading and dissolving, I readied myself for oblivion.

But the Reaver knew better than to destroy its host, and just as I neared the brink of nonexistence, the Reaver released it’s seize on me. As I recovered, I realized we were now bound together in a brittle union; the Reaver no longer simply my symbiotic weapon, but a sentient parasite, contending for control. I was tempted to grab it, but overcame the urge and turned around. And, not to my surprise, there was Ice Mario, standing silently in front of my tattered being.

“What have you done, Ice?!? Is this your trap?!?” I screamed in ire, pointing the now vibrantly flaring Reaver at Ice’s neck.
“How mine?! Don't forget it was Golden Jiggy who led you here, not I! While you blight me, the only soul in the RWPF ready to direct and assist you, Golden Jiggy laughs at our folly and revels in your alarm.” He barked back. I pointed a finger at the now complete SPAM Reaver.
“This blade now coiled in sinister embrace on me has inspired terror in the hearts of creatures far more durable than you, old man. Now fully aroused, I can only envisage what it could do to your soul's flimsy crust.” I demonically grinned. Ice slowly backed himself into a corner. I sadistically smiled and raised the Reaver above my head, ready to strike.
“Phantom, I beg you to stay your hand. This was none of my doing. I have sought only to abet you in your righteous quest.” Ice whimpered.
“Why, you're trembling, Ice. has your self-reliance forsaken you? You seem to have made a incurable miscalculation by leaving your precious motif behind. Is that where all your nerve comes from?” I flaunted, raising the Reaver even higher.
“Listen to me, Phantom: you don't know what you're doing. I have taken an gargantuan risk by appearing here before you, so exposed, yet fervent to prove my good intentions. If there's anything left of a conscience in you, you won't do this. While you terrorize me, your true enemy eludes you!” He cried, closing his teary eyes in fear.
“Don't distress yourself with Golden Jiggy, old man. He'll join you in hell soon enough. As you said, Death comes to us all...” I murmured, swinging the blade towards Ice Mario’s head.
“Yes... The Wheel of Fate demands it!” He screamed, hiding his head under his trembling arms. Those words! The Wheel of Fate! I changed the Reaver’s path so it would just take out a piece of the wall. And further questioned Ice Mario.
“What did you say?” I asked, picking Ice up by his robe again.
“The Wheel of Fate: the inexorable sequence of death and rebirth to which all men are constrained. We serve the same God, PotO.” I fearfully answered. I was in awe, and Ice noticed it.
“To strike me down would be striking God's own attendant, and I don't deem even you would take that jeopardy.” He coolly continued. I recalled the Reaver and lobbed Ice across the room. He smashed into Grey Jinjo’s tomb, and the Reaver fell between his legs.
“I tire of your games, Ice. Now that I know you fear me, I needn't unease myself with you. Jiggy is waiting for me.” I said, leaving the area in disgust.

I now had new revelations. The Reaver’s hunger was now not only harsher but also appeared more habitually than before. I also had to be care on how much saturated fats it absorbed. If it rapt too much, it would become over aroused, and would engulf my soul within moments.

[EvilPsycho]

can't you just explain to me what exactly the spam reaver is, without making me read this whole page?

[golden jiggy]

It's just a story bullcrap.

With me seemingly the great evil dudette casting fear over RWP, that I like. :cool:

[P.o.t.O]

Sorry I've taken so long, I pulled a "J.K Rowling."


Using my gut feeling, I traveled through the immense nadir of the RWPF and ended up in a fairly uninhabited, swampy locale called the “Action Replay and Gameshark Hacking” section. Hoping I could shed some light on what the hell the Reaver and I were doing in this era and why everyone seemed to be ogling me at every twist, I ventured in. Deep within the forest, I perceived a stunning mansion made of cobblestone and copper. Without a doubt, I told myself that I’d found Icy Guy’s legendary mansion. Home to the very powerful element know as SPAM Lite, I knew that the mansion would play a vital part in my reason being here.

I sauntered into the frozen, copper courtyard, marveling at the fact that in over ninety degree weather, Icy possessed the aptitude to keep ice on the ground. Suddenly, two huge Ice statues sprung to life and landed in front of me. I awakened the Low Sodium Spam Reaver from its static form and bounded into the air, the statues closely following. With lightning alacrity, the Reaver lacerated the effigies into miniature pieces. The Reaver gave an unsatisfied drone, and begged me for saturated fats. I felt myself weakening, and the Reaver starting to take control again, although this time, the Reaver has strong intent to finish me off. Just as the world around me seemed to disband around me, I heard a man’s distorted voice.
“Hey kid, need some help?” the voice quietly asked, I tried to nod my head, but the twinge of the Reaver took too much out of me; I blacked out.

When I awoke, I was on an arctic divan, strangely refreshed. I looked over to the doorway, and the legendary Icy Guy leaned idly against the frame.
“You’re a ragged excuse for a savior.” He coolly jested, walking over to me.
“Icy Guy.” I stated.
“I see my reputation precedes me. All good I hope...” He said, walking over to the window near the bed, he looked out into the murky pits of the swamp and sighed.
“I’ve been watching you for quite some time now, and I’ve wondered, are you here to help us? Or to harm us?” He asked, turning to face me again. I sat up in the bed.
“Neither enemy nor friend. Just a lost soul in the wheel of fate.” I answered.
“Ah...the wheel of fate. I’m not surprised you’re working for him...” He coldly mumbled. “You don’t know what you are, do you?” He asked, turning back to the window.
“I have been countless things, so if you find me ignorant, then enlighten me.” I replied, getting up out of the bed. Noticing that the Reaver was now contentedly humming, as if it’d never made a single attempt to eradicate me.
“Why bother. Let these simpletons have the forums.” He sighed, putting his hand against the window, obviously overflowing with rage.
“Odd, I’d expect more than some submissive capitulation from you, Icy.” I sympathetically spoke, putting my hand on his shoulder.
“It doesn’t matter. Even if you’re what you appear to be, you’re merely too late. Gold Jinjo, the Reaver’s guardian, and my predecessor, was slaughtered nearly five centuries ago. He single-handedly would have the answers that you request, but alas, the secrets died with him. So I’m afraid to say, pal, that you, and all of us, are out of luck...” He said, putting his head down, near tears. I went to console him, but he vanished, and I smashed my head into the window.

I had no less reason to trust Icy than anyone else I had met. In fact, the infamous moderator was the most forthright being I had encountered thus far. If Gold Jinjo was the key to all this, then I would locate him, and Ice Mario’s Time Machine contrivance would present me with a passageway. But first, I had to find a way back into the Rare Witch Lair.

As I pondered these thoughts, I looked out the window, trying to make some sense of it all. Then, a monument caught my eyes. Standing out in the backmost garden of the mansion, was a pedestal, with a ghostly can of SPAM Lite. I smashed out the window with my fist and jumped down into the field. I looked over at the pedestal and saw my adversary, Golden Jiggy, casually walking up to me, seemingly forgetting the fact that every fiber of my being wanted to destroy her. As soon as she got within my striking range, I grabbed her and swung her around into the stone wall next to me. I pulled my fist back, ready to strike her if she even attempted to move.

“How does it feel, Jiggy?” I flaunted, getting nose-to-nose with her, as she did me before.
“I see you’re not as powerless as before,” she retorted, getting even closer.
“You will pay for your betrayal, and Balance will thus be restored to the forums.” I informed her, touching my forehead onto hers, pushing her back into the wall.
“And who will be satisfied then? You, or Ice Mario?” she responded, I lifted her up.
“This is it, Jiggy. The hunt is over!” I yelled, drawing the Reaver. She blasted me in the face with a telekinetic ball; I smashed into an iron fence a few feet away.
“This isn't a hunt, PotO. We are merely passengers on the wheel of fate, describing a perfect circle to this point. We have been brought here for a reason, but I have seen the beginning and the end of our story, however, and the tale is crude and ill-conceived. We must rewrite the ending of it, you and I.” She lectured, shockingly helping me up. She walked over to the pedestal with the SPAM.
“Face me, Jiggy! Even you shouldn’t die a coward’s death!” I threatened, closely following her.
“Isn't it customary to grant the condemned a final request?” She inquired, turning and crossing her arms.
“I don’t evoke any such consideration from you when you strived to kill me.” I coldly said.
“Humor me.” She grumbled.

[AllyourBase2101]

Great story, I like this parody on the LoK series.
...
But you seem to be confusing the Wheel of Fate (The EG) with Fate itself.
Might want to remember that next time.

[P.o.t.O]

Originally posted by AllyourBase2101
But you seem to be confusing the Wheel of Fate (The EG) with Fate itself.

Good lord, you people and your inconsistancies, just keep reading the story, and it'll all piece together.

“This is the sublime moment of our undoing, Phantom: the ineffable fulcrum upon which swings the entirety of our history. This is where all of the RWPF is betrayed.” She spoke.
“What are you babbling about?” I asked. She turned and put her index finger on my lips.
“Shh...Listen.” She whispered. I did so.

There was harmony and calm in the putrid swamp; I looked at Golden Jiggy with a slightly irritated look. She kept looking up to the sky, as if she was expecting something.
“Well?” I demanded. Suddenly, within seconds, the forums shook with an unexplainable quaking. Topics started locking, sometimes as many as ten at a time.
“What the hell?!?” I screamed, Golden Jiggy chuckled to herself and turned back to me.
“This is it, the final page for the old forums.” She laughed in self-satisfaction.
“What have you done, you conceited, relentless hussy!” I roared in anger, grabbing her by the hair and throat.
“How dare you!” She bellowed, raking her nails into my unmasked right eye, which made me drop her, and in doing so, allowed her the ability to kick me in the face. “Even I couldn’t create destruction this catastrophic.” I leaped up from the ground and drew the Reaver.
“Then tell me what this is!” I requested.
“This is the clash of the titans. Ice Mario and Subdrag have finally ended their camaraderie, and started a skirmish that will affect the forums for eternity. That is, until we get control of it.” She responded.
“What does this have to do with us?” I asked, getting up wearily, she grabbed my shirt.
“This is when I pull the SPAM Reaver from Subdrag’s dead hands. This is when our history unravels.” She rejoined, unsheathing the Reaver that would shatter over my head years from now.
“How!?!?” I shouted in confusion.
“Well, well. Again, we both have weapons drawn, and are standing toe-to-toe, face-to-face.” He ominously grinned, as she spun the Reaver in her left hand and formed a telekinetic ball in her right hand.
“Oh, so now you want to battle. How convenient...” I groused.
“But first, eliminate the Reaver of its saturated fats. Without that, the Reaver’s blows will barely sting...” She egotistically taunted, tossing the SPAM Lite can at the Reaver. I impaled the can onto the Reaver and felt one of the most incredible sensations I’d ever felt in my life and unlife.

The Reaver now glowed a very pale glow. Without it’s required saturated fats, the Reaver could take out a mere mortal in less than one hit. Again, there was a catch. With less than average amounts of required fats, the Reaver automatically sapped me of energy, and was tremendously deranged with hunger. But on the other hand, the immense hunger strengthened the blade to a sickening point of potency. Using this Reaver could cost me my life, or save it.

“Your so-called ‘Wheel of Fate’ shall shatter upon my blade!” She announced, pointing the Reaver’s tip at my face.
“How appropriate, you fight like a cow.” I retorted, pointing the pale tip at her. She leapt at me with a fire in her eyes and ripped a corner off my flame-retardant cape; I retaliated with a vicious blow to her stomach. She held her stomach in pain.
“This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!” She yelled in rage, diving at me.
“And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?” I flamboyantly remarked, sidestepping her useless attack and hacking her in the back with the Reaver. I chuckled to myself, for this was going excessively straightforward.
“Ha! You’re no match for my intellect, you fool!” I laughed, thrusting forward.
“I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them, PotO” She quickly stated, bending backwards, dodging my attack and hitting me right in the abdomen with a telekinetic ball of compressed air. I went straight into the air. I landed and she pointed the blade right at my face.
“I’ve got you now, Phantom. It’s over.” She grinned, pointing the meaty blade closer to my face. Then, out of the blue, a piece of a locked topic came crashing down; crushing Golden Jiggy in about 450 pounds of SPAMed up posting. The physical Reaver landed a few feet away, just out of Jiggy’s reach. She was obviously in pain, and I wanted to help her, but I still had that sense of hatred for her. It was just like Ice said, “you can salvage the essence of life and mortality.”

I used the Reaver to chop away pieces of the Topic, and swiftly pulled her out of the decrepit posts.
“Wh-Why did you help me?” She quietly asked me.
“I couldn’t just leave you here. Besides, it’s MY job to kill you.” I answered back. She smiled and called the Reaver over. She sheathed the blade and grabbed me by the shirt again.
“We’ll fight again, Phantom. But now’s not the time.” She spoke.
“I agree.” I simply answered.
“I’ll give you a parting gift for your troubles, and for matching my implausible sword skills.” She whispered, grabbing my mask. I expected a punch on the face, or a kick in the groin. But instead, she slowly pulled my mask back, and kissed me on lips. I felt my Reaver feed off my emotions, and it empowered itself with even more force. Golden Jiggy slowly pulled her lips off mine.
“Later.” She whispered into my ear, and left me alone in the fiery swamps.

Ice Mario was exactly right. I undoubtedly could feel feelings I hadn’t felt in years coursing through my spiritual being. The feelings of hatred and aching had gone astray, and feelings of compassion and love were everywhere. But I knew I couldn’t forget my purpose; I had to go back to the Rare Witch Lair and get Ice to convey me to the past.

With new powers, and new stances, I left the swamp to return to the Lair.

[Hakey Wake]

Could somebody sum all of that up for me in one word? IGN have incorporated their laziness into me.

[R Hunter]

heh...best story i've read in a while.:D

[P.o.t.O]

I gradually worked my way through the crumbling topics and sections. It was quite obvious SubDrag and Ice Mario were having a catastrophic battle, because everything was ruptured and locked. Due to Jiggy’s little tease on my soul, the Reaver seemed to be the dominant being at the moment. It was telling me were to go and what to do. The insipid blade was receiving energy from seemingly nowhere, and was fuelling me to get to the Lair quicker. When I passed the RPG section, a ghastly explosion came from within the section. I turned around and beheld one of the scariest spectacles I’d ever seen. The RPG section had become unstable, and imploded onto itself, and the pressure was too much for the outmost branch of the section; the entire sector exploded before my eyes. Hopefully, this much damage haven’t ensued on the Rare Witch Lair.

When I finally arrived, the gigantic doors were closed and locked. Great, as if I need that... Anyhoo, I saw one of the locks was damaged and could be unopened by even a newbie. I dove at the lock and extended the Reaver. I dove it into the keyhole and turned. The lock opened with ease, and the doors opened wide. Subsequently, another traumatic quake shook the forums and the arch holding the doors ruptured. I looked up and saw a huge fragment of the archway falling towards my head. I screamed and threw my hands above me, awaiting pain. However, nothing happened. I looked up. The rock was floating loftily above my head, contained by my hands, which were glowing a pale green. I occurred to me, that Jiggy’s teasing little kiss must have conducted some of her telekinetic powers into me. I threw the rock behind me and ran into the lair.

“Ice!” I bellowed, running down the crumbling, desolate hallways and into the time machine room. I skidded to a stop and saw Ice sheathing a frosty sword, which he concealed under his robe. Next to his feet, the man who sent me on this damned quest, Subdrag, was dead on his face. I used my new telekinetic powers to grab Ice from far away and pulled him over to me.
“I see you let her get away.” He meanly leered.
“Quiet! I had enough of this crap! Take me into the past!” I loudly commanded, telekinetically gripping Ice Mario’s throat. He reluctantly nodded his head.

We arrived at the time machine and I dropped him. He limped over to the control panel and pressed a few buttons.
“There. It’s done. You just need to climb into the car and press the red button.” He grumbled. Walking towards the exit. I climbed into the car. “Farewell,” Ice called from the exit.
“Good riddance.” I mumbled, pressing the red button and feeling the time displacement around me. The car shot into nowhere, and appeared somewhere. But not the somewhere I wanted. I was in the distant future of the forums, one not only out of Ice and Sub’s rule, but Golden Jiggy’s as well.

A familiar face greeted me, however. One of Golden Jiggy’s greatest minions, R hunter, stood right in front of me with his sword drawn, he must have been waiting for me.
“Hello, PotO.” He grinned, flashing the sword in the light.
“R Hunter. How’d you get here?” I asked, extending the pale Reaver.
“Golden Jiggy spread us out throughout time. Wherever and whenever you go, we’ll be waiting.” He evilly answered, stepping towards me.
“Watch it!” I warned him, forming a telekinetic ball in my hand.
“So, I see you’ve got the SPAM Reaver.” He noted, reaching into one of his pockets.
“Yes, yes I do.” I agreed, pointing the blade at him.
“The elemental power of fats and meat. No biggie. I’ve had worse.” He brashly chuckled.
“Your overconfidence will be your downfall, R.” I spoke, imbuing the telekinetic ball with my soul.
“Well, I prefer my SPAM to have a little kick.” He responded, pulling out a can of Hot & Spicy SPAM. He impaled it onto his assassin’s sword, and it caught fire.

“Let’s go!”

[R Hunter]

I suddenly pop in to see how everyone's doing and I find myself in a story as a bad guy! I must admit that I didn't see that one coming:D thanx for the part P.o.t.O and please continue I want to see how this is going to end

(most likely I'll be dead;))

[P.o.t.O]

As I said before, R Hunter shortcoming was his arrogance. R Hunter thought everything was meant for him and him alone. He would pull off fancy spins and twirls in the air, and spin his sword around when he wasn’t blindly swinging his sword at me. I could easily defeat him, if he didn’t have that damn can of SPAM. If I got close enough, it would scorch me with peppery conflagration. I decided my best strategy was to again take opportunities and use them. I noticed that he would bow if he could complete five spins of his sword. So, when he did so, I would crack him on the head with the Reaver, and possess him as I did BlueBreegull.

He bowed, and I dove towards him. He must have perceived me, though, and impaled me onto his blade.
“Ha! Nice Try, PotO.” He laughed.
“Big mistake, R.” I retaliated, using his fiery weapon as a channel, I possessed his body. Again, I felt like a parasitic mastermind as I sapped all of his energy into myself, charging my soul back to full and rendering him unconscious. I left his body and reformed my body in front of him. I picked up his motionless body, and tossed it into the Delorean, afterwards pressing the red button and sending him somewhere to which I still do not know. I turned my attention to the lone can of Hot’N’Spicy SPAM that fell from R Hunter’s blade. I slowly pierced the can with the Reaver, and lifted it into the air. The gates of hell opened, and I was engulfed in a flaming hell.

The Reaver was not only changed, my telekinetic powers were as well. I now could ignite and retire fires, torches and more excitingly, people. Yes, I found the powerhouse of a weapon that would help me back into the past, and I knew exactly where to go. The ruins of the Lobby section. There, I would meet a man who I know could tell me everything there is to know about the time machines: Andre. With his technology expertise, he could send me into the past, most certainly. I knew he was alive because he had the same damnation of myself, the curse of unlife and immortality.

Andre was a true hardcore member of the board, until the day of the damned. He suffered the worst fate of them all; a conjurer’s torture. The wizard tortured him to the point of death and as Andre took his final breath, a spell preventing death was put on him. Andre afterwards took every breath in pain and agony, as each one would now be his dying breath. He broke free and killed the magician, but he would never be the same. Soon afterwards, he enclosed himself in a cave at the lobby that was below the lake of newbies. Millions of years had passed since that day, and I was afraid to meet an old friend that had probably gone mad from not only misery, but loneliness as well

I reach the lake of newbies, and looked at its murky depths. I knew that the toxicity of the lake was destroy me in seconds if I even stepped into it, so I decided to test the new Reaver’s potential. I extended the flaming blade, and submerged it into the lake’s poison water. The water became acid steam and then a dark cloud in the sky. All I could think of was what my old science teacher said, “Acid rain is all humanity’s fault.”

Damn shame, really.

Anyways, I saw the caved in cave, and started towards it. Suddenly a gigantic creature appeared from behind me. He swung one of his nine arms at me, and then moaned like a zombie from a B-Movie. I disembodied the Reaver of its fats, and turned to threaten the beast. The creature was revolting. Its eyes were seemingly connected together, and the pupil was right in the center of them. The mouth was a gaping hole which mucus and blood dripped from the roof of it’s mouth. I saw no nose, and was too busy focusing of the fact that its skin was scaly like a fish, and rotted away to the point of actual bone exposure. He had nine arms and four of the were used to drag his legless body around. The fifth arm held a propane blowtorch, and I knew the creature was not afraid to use it.

“So...The infamous enters MY world, only to meet his end.” The creature gurgled in between rattled breaths.
“Well, demon, we’ll find out.” I stated, suddenly dashing towards him and striking his putrid face until he screamed like a little girl. He brought the torch down and seared my mask. I flinched in pain and then the used one of his arm to strike me into the wall. I blacked out for a few minutes.

When I awoke, the creature was standing over me, drooling mucus on me and moving the torch closer and closer to my face.
“What are you?!?” I screamed, flailing my way out of his grasp.
“Odd, you don’t remember a veteran like yourself.” He groaned, advancing towards me.
“What?” I mumbled.
“Yes. I am at your status, just...not as dignified as you are. I am a leader to my own kind, and the RWP Radlew.” He preached. Suddenly, the words fit together, and I realized I was standing face to face with a man who was one of the greatest of all time, Weldar.

“Weldar?!? You!?!” I questioned.
“Yesss…I am the lowest humanity has to offer, and the greatest.” He mentioned, dragging his once powerful, grotesque body towards my confused being.
“You look terrible! You’re drowning in time!” I said.
“I have more powerful than you could ever COULD be, Phantom of the Opera.” He laughed.
“FYI, I am PotO. The old name has left me.” I announced, extending the low calorie blade.
“I am from a world where names are not important. Just knowing how to fight and how to survive, that’s all we need. Names are just identification. We don’t even own them. I could take the name “John” or “Hakey Wakey” and use it for my own, anyone else using that name would still have it, but it would no longer be his or her own. You skills, feelings and beliefs are unique, original and owned by no one else but you.” Weldar explained.
“You’re pretty philosophical for a horrible monster.” I responded.
“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, Phantom.” He answered.
“I’m glad to see you, but I must see Andre. Move aside.” I spoke, starting to walk towards the cave. Weldar shot a fireball at me, which I deflected with my cape.
“Maybe you don’t understand. I can’t let you pass.” He grumbled, dragging himself towards me. I pointed the Reaver at him and moved towards him.
“Very well, Weldar. If you want me to put you out of your misery...” I threatened.
“Rejoice, Phantom! Ours will be a glorious battle.” He finished, and began the battle.

[R Hunter]

so it was you who took my can of Spam...no matter until I take it back use it well..:D

[P.o.t.O]

Weldar immediately began flailing his nine arms at me, which I simply phased through, being a ghost. I just chuckled casually as he swung at nothing but air, getting angrier and angrier with ever swing. His flamethrower scorched at me, but I just raised my lucky cape to deflect the fire back at the putrid thing. He withdrawed to escape the flames, and I jumped at him. Plunging my blade into the being's hole of a mouth, he quivered, flinched, and evaporated into the ravenous Reaver. I straighten my singed mask, and walked over to the cave, and phased through to the inner cave. I looked up at the throne of stone and behold to my eyes, was the living yet unliving genius Andre...as pained as the day I last saw him. I approached and watched him rise from his granite seat.

"Phantom...It's been a long time." He moaned, stiffly walking over to me.
"Andre...I need your help." I replied, shaking his hand in welcoming.
"Figures. That'd be the only reason you'd come down here to this hellhole." He wheezed, turning to light some fire in the room.
"Well, I need to get back to the past..."
"I can and will help you, if you do one thing for me." He answered.
"Name it, and it shall be done." I said.
"I shall send you back, and you shall be able to use the time machine indefinately, but before you can have it, you must travel back in time to just before the damned magician cursed me, and kill him before the spell can be cast." He pleaded in explaination. I cried a specter's tear, and nodded to do so. "Bless you, Phantom."

He creeped over to the table next to his throne, and handed me a watch-like device with a digital interface.
"The time and date is set for Three hours before my death. That gives you three hours to find me, and save me." He groaned, falling back into his throne.
"Thank you, old friend." I said, pressing the button on the side of the watch.
He smiled for the first time since the curse, and watched me fade into the past. Before I could restart my own journey, I had to take a detour for the man who started me back on that journey.

[R Hunter]

You posted...(a loud thud is heard) x_x Woohoo! And now I reinroduce the one, the only Phantom Of The Oprea!:D

[Andre]

Ah-ha! I remember this. It was a very nice story. I believe my part of it is in my AIM Profile still.

[golden jiggy]

I was thinking about this just the other day. I'm so phsycic.

[Hakey Wake]

“I am from a world where names are not important. Just knowing how to fight and how to survive, that’s all we need. Names are just identification. We don’t even own them. I could take the name “John” or “Hakey Wakey” and use it for my own, anyone else using that name would still have it, but it would no longer be his or her own. You skills, feelings and beliefs are unique, original and owned by no one else but you.” Weldar explained.

Roffles.

[R Hunter]

Indeed the one known as "Hakey Wake" is the only one who could do that name justice. :)

[platinum jiggy]

heh, wow. I actually read all of that! Kudos P.o.t.O! :) But is it over or what!?! :confused:

[cyberen]

bla bla i saw my name. what a great story!

[pinkbull]

P.o.t.O I'm bumping this thread because you never made the ending. This was one of the greatist fan-fics of all time and I really want to see it continued or have a very climatic ending.

[P.o.t.O]

I reappeared in a swirl of battle. It was D-day on the boards, The Battle of the Ubb. I was there, somewhere, in the blaze of fighting, but where was not of my interest. My interests were in the castle in the Banjo Discussion Section. Fighting my way to the Banjo Discussion Section, I reach a boulder with words etched into it that gave me an eerie sense of foreboading. In the middle of the massive stone were two words: "Fallen Angel." Though any random member could've written them, I felt that this message was meant for me.

I reached the castle, and stormed up to the throne room. There inside, was the history I was meant to change: Andre being tortured to his death by an unkown sorcerer. I extended the Reaver and dove at the cloaked figure, only to have my body held in a telekinetic stasis that I knew all too well. The figure pulled back the hood and revealed herself.
"Jiggy..." I said, squirming in the air like a trapped worm.
"Phantom...you still haven't learned. I control history, not you." She said, drawing the Reaver out from the robe. Andre was lying on the floor, in an uncomfortable silence.
"Jiggy, I have to stop you! I made a-"
"Phantom, you fool! Are you even thinking? You change this event, and you'll create a time paradox! Andre can't give you that machine if he lives as a mortal. He'll die long before the chance would come along." She walked up to me and thrust the Reaver at my neck. "However...you play a part in this point of history. You need to be here"
"Is that what the message was for?" I asked.
"Message? Phantom, I don't know what you're talking about, nor care. Listen to me, or I'll destroy you. Take that watch and hand it to Andre."
I was lowered to the ground at Reaverpoint. I cautiously did as I was told, and looked at Andre.
"Andre, I'm sorry." I mourned, holding his hand.
"Phantom, it's all right. You and I are just going to have to ride the timeline out to the end."
"Andre, you have to give me this watch in the future, in the distant future." I explained.
"I know. I see it all happening right now. Phantom, I see the future. Beyond...I see the journey you're on...The answer to Stop 'N' Swop...Golden Jiggy...your battle...The fallen angel!"
I froze. I looked at him in disbelief.
"Fallen Angel? Who? What? When? Where?" I begged, grabbing him by the shoulders.
"I...I..." He whimpered, and drew his final breath. Golden Jiggy caught the soul escaping from his body and jammed it back down his throat. He gagged and has seizures as the rejected body was forced back onto him. His eyes flew open and he crawled away in eternal pain.
"I failed. I'm the fallen angel." I said in dishonor. I put my head down in silence.

Golden Jiggy began to giggle, then it grew into a full belly laugh. I turned to her in anger and drew the Reaver at her.
"You monster. You're just toying with me." I growled.
"Oh, Phantom. You still can't understand, can you? Oh, my angel, I'm almost done playing games with you. But until then, let's have some good sportsmanship, huh? You want to get back on track? Go ahead. The way back is outside. I promise." She mused, blowing me a kiss and disappearing into time in her usual ways. I sighed a heavy sigh and proceeded out to the courtyard.

As I reached the courtyard, I saw the Delorean waiting for me. I went over to it and prepared it for travel, when I heard somebody approaching. I turned around and began to call the Reaver, only to have my face pushed backwards by a blow of extreme power. The source was glowing above me. R Hunter had returned, with a source of unknown, but immense power.
"R!" I yelled in shock.
"Phantom! You thought I was gone? Oh no, my friend! I am not gone! I am, in fact, quite back! And this time, I have the power of the Fallen Angel!" He was surging with power. But from what, who, when, or where, I did not know. All I knew at the time was that I had no chance of getting back without confronting and stopping R Hunter, and taking the power of this "fallen angel" from him.

[pinkbull]

Oh...My...God... I am so glad I bumped this topic. I absolutly love this P.o.t.O. I'll post the story on my site in a sec. What would really make my day is if I was in it. Just to see what I'd be like in the SPAM reaver universe. Hopefully a good guy but whatever P.o.t.O wants.