The RWP

Lupaie · #1 12th August 2010, 07:56 AM

Hey guys,

I am doing a follow up to my 2008 animation: Mumbo's Wand! This time it's a videogame and I wrote the intro storyline. Could one of you guys please check my grammar before I am using the tekst for a trailer. Many thanks!!

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Two years have passed since 'Mumbo's Wand' lost his wielder Mumbo to the Evil Wrench and his army of Casual Bolts. Since then Spiral Mountain had been under the cruel government of the Wrench. Oldskool voodoo and magic were banished and the residents of Spiral Mountain were living in a dark age.

After Mumbo's Wand lost the battle against the Wrench, he was living in exile. The Shaman Tribe banished him from their community but unaware of the fact that Emwee, the shaman name of Mumbo's Wand, was the only one who could return Spiral Mountain to it's former glory. Yet, Emwee was getting old.....too old and his war injuries didn't help. He, who was once the greatest voodooforce in all of Spiral Mountain, was about to die.

There was only one, Brentilda's Staff, who knew that Emwee had a chance to redeem himself and save Spiral Mountain . Aware of the fact that he was parting from this world she visited him on his deathbed. Yet, the army of Casual Bolts followed her. As Emwee's door flew open and the army entered the room, she used all the last magicpowers she had in her before falling, totally axhausted, on the cold stone floor of Emwee's cave. She send Emwee through a vortex, not able to forsee that the Army would jump into the vortex too and just before the vortex was about to close… all went black.

Emwee opened his eyes. Dead he was, for sure. He looked around and found out that heaven was like his favorite years in SpiralMountain. In that era he had not found out that he had incredible voodoo-powers as he was just an innocent young wooden skull on a strange looking stick with red feathers attached to it. In the distance he saw a shaman boy, playing ball with his friends on the green fields of Spiralmountain.

And so the adventure begins.......

Banjo-Kazooie: Mumbo's Wand 2! War of the Wands

This fangame is the follow-up to the 2008 Banjo-Kazooie: Mumbo's Wand! animation.

Out Winter 2010

Lupaie · #2 12th August 2010, 12:45 PM

Is there really no English native speaker who wants to check for errors??

Smouvy · #3 12th August 2010, 01:35 PM

Not a native speaker, but I can at least check if I can find any errors.

Quote:

Two years have passed since 'Mumbo's Wand' lost his wielder Mumbo to the Evil Wrench and his army of Casual Bolts. Since then Spiral Mountain had been under the cruel government of the Wrench. Oldskool voodoo and magic were banished and the residents of Spiral Mountain were living in a dark age.

After Mumbo's Wand lost the battle against the Wrench, he was living in exile. The Shaman Tribe banished him from their community but unaware of the fact that Emwee, the shaman name of Mumbo's Wand, was the only one who could return Spiral Mountain to it's former glory. Yet, Emwee was getting old.....too old, and his war injuries didn't help. He, who was once the greatest voodooforce in all of Spiral Mountain, was about to die.

There was only one, Brentilda's Staff, who knew that Emwee had a chance to redeem himself and save Spiral Mountain . Aware of the fact that he was parting from this world she visited him on his deathbed. Yet, the army of Casual Bolts followed her. As Emwee's door flew open and the army entered the room, she used all the last magic powers she had in her before falling, totally exhausted, on the cold stone floor of Emwee's cave. She send Emwee through a vortex, not able to forsee that the Army would jump into the vortex too, and just before the vortex was about to close… all went black.

Emwee opened his eyes. Dead he was, for sure. He looked around and found out that heaven was like his favorite years in Spiral Mountain. In that era he had not found out that he had incredible voodoo-powers as he was just an innocent young wooden skull on a strange looking stick with red feathers attached to it. In the distance he saw a shaman boy, playing ball with his friends on the green fields of Spiral Mountain.

And so the adventure begins.......

Then again, apart from a few things I'm sure of, my English is just as good as yours mate. I do really like the story though. Chibi-Mumbo FTW

Also, I'm not sure about the commas I've added.

Lupaie · #4 12th August 2010, 01:46 PM

thanks mate!

Rock · #5 14th August 2010, 07:25 AM

I've changed quite a bit, especially bits that didn't make sense in English. Otherwise great translation. I've added a note for one of the errors because it's common.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lupaie

Two years have passed since 'Mumbo's Wand' lost his wielder Mumbo to the Evil Wrench and his army of Casual Bolts. Since then, Spiral Mountain had been under the cruel government of the Wrench. Traditional voodoo and magic were banished and the residents of Spiral Mountain were living in a dark age.

After Mumbo's Wand lost the battle against the Wrench, he lived in exile. The Shaman Tribe banished him from their community unaware of the fact that Emwee, the shaman name of Mumbo's Wand, was the only one who could return Spiral Mountain to its* former glory. Yet, Emwee was getting old, too old, and his war injuries didn't help. He, once the greatest voodooforce in all of Spiral Mountain, was about to die.

There was only one who knew that Emwee had a chance to redeem himself and save Spiral Mountain - Brentilda's Staff. Aware of the fact that he was parting from this world she visited him on his deathbed. Yet, the army of Casual Bolts followed her. As Emwee's door flew open and the army entered the room, she used all the last magic powers she had in her before falling, completely exhausted, on the cold stone floor of Emwee's cave. She sent Emwee through a vortex, not able to forsee that the Army would jump into the vortex too. Just before the vortex was about to close, everything went black.

Emwee opened his eyes. He was dead for sure. He looked around and found out that heaven was like his favorite years in Spiral Mountain. Back then he was just a naive boy, with no idea of the powers he possessed. In the distance he saw a shaman boy, playing ball with his friends on the green fields of Spiral Mountain.

And so the adventure begins...

* Lots of people make this mistake. It's is short for it is. You can't say return it to it is former glory, therefore you can't say return it to it's former glory. You have to say return it to its former glory (which stands for belonging to it).

Lupaie · #6 14th August 2010, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Laurence

I've changed quite a bit, especially bits that didn't make sense in English. Otherwise great translation. I've added a note for one of the errors because it's common.

* Lots of people make this mistake. It's is short for it is. You can't say return it to it is former glory, therefore you can't say return it to it's former glory. You have to say return it to its former glory (which stands for belonging to it).

Thank you, also for your note, really helpfully!